Long Time, No Blog

How do you start again? How do you tell what your life has been like without sounding like a soap opera? Do you need to explain? Or just show up?

Even though I haven’t been blogging for several months, I have been lurking and reading other blogs and exclaiming over the wonderful things I’ve read and thought about coming back and have just been down in a deep dark hole that I was too tired to even think about climbing out of.

Now spring is starting to come back. We’ve had some sunny days and long warm evenings. Grass is getting greener. And I realize that life goes on, whether we participate or not, no matter how sad we feel. And I feel hopeful once again.

My mom died in November. She was sick for several weeks before she died, weeks that involved staying in the hospital with her, bringing her home, taking her back, again and again. Her heart and lungs finally just gave out.

Since then I have just been in a fog. And then I was in a car wreck on icy roads (no injuries, praise God), then several other people close to me or my friends and family have died, then I’ve had recurring bouts of sinus/bronchitis infections, and my husband lost his job. Altogether, life has been bouncing me around like a pin ball. I’ve just been cowering in my corner, slogging through my days and watching out for the next blow.

Today is different though. Even though I am recuperating from yet another sinus/ear infection, my heart and spirit lifted today, when I saw the sunshine. I opened the blinds, puttered around the house, napped when I needed to, and read some uplifting blogs. I talked with a couple of friend who are going through their own personal crises. And I decided to start writing on here again.

I read other blogs and read about the connections that people are making through their blogs. I received a letter from a classmate from high school and feel connections stirring there. And we only connect when we reach out and share.

So here I am again.
More later!

What Happens When You Write Some Blues?

Today I was feeling down and discouraged. At lunch, I opened my copy of Life Is A Verb by Patti Digh to see if I could find some wisdom. I found the entry “Write Some Blues.”

In it she challenges us to do ‘reverse design.” Instead of trying to create the best, create the worst. Take whatever issue is discouraging you or bothering you and flip it around. Write a treatise on ‘How To Stay Discouraged,” or “How to Stay Fat,” etc.

Patti says that while you’re writing your “how to” you may discover some things that you are doing to sabotage yourself or you may think of some way to change things. So I did it.

Here it is:

How To Feel Down and Out

• Dwell on the worst, scariest thoughts possible
• Obsess and stay paralyzed with indecision
• Avoid action at all cost
• Keep thinking “It will never get better!”
• Play “Woe is me” over and over
• Stay in your head 
• Play helpless
• Demand that reality be different than what it is without doing anything to change it
• Play make believe
• Ignore what is right or good in your life
• Think that you have it worse than anyone else in the world

As I got to the end of the list, I realized that I know how to make myself miserable. I’m an expert! So why not flip it around and stop doing those things?

By the time I got done writing, I felt lighter. I actually felt like smiling. So why not try writing yourself some blues? It works! Thanks, Patti!

Writer's Groups

Becca’s Write on Wednesday prompt is about writing groups and whether we’ve ever had/belonged to one.   

How about you? Have you ever belonged to a writer’s group? Did it work? Why (or why not?) What would be your criteria for the perfect writer’s group?
 
I have belonged to a writer’s group off and on for over 20 years. So I must like them and think they’re beneficial!

In the 80’s, when I was just beginning to write poetry and short stories, I had no clue about what to do. I had one or two friends who wrote. One encouraged me to write, go to the university, carry a notebook everywhere, and talk to other writers. The other coaxed me to go to a one day workshop put on by Midwest Writers’ Workshop on a Saturday. We went together to give each other confidence in the presence of “real writers.”  

At the end of the workshop, a group of the writers sat around talking. About writing, of course. Then they said, “Hey let’s all go over to the Big Wheel, get some coffee and talk some more—and why don’t you come with us?” We did. They told us about their Writer’s Group that met informally once a month at member’s houses and invited us to come. We did. Even though the group eventually quit meeting regularly, most of us still stay in touch. One of the women that I met then, Sherita, is still my best friend and cohort—my writing buddy extraordinaire!

Today, Sherita and I lead a Just Journaling writing group that meets twice a month and a Creative Writing group that meets once a month. We have a core group that usually shows up and a changing group of writers that attend and then move on. The groups are informal and supportive and fun and I couldn’t live without them.

In journaling, we use Natalie Goldberg’s model and we write timed entries then read what we’ve written. Through this sharing, we’ve grown closer, and our writing has improved. This group is a place to just write, to experiment, to practice, to play with words. We talk, we write, we laugh, we share.

In the Creative Writing group, we have more—well, a little more—structure. We bring things that we’re working on and read them aloud to get feedback. Sometimes we just need general feedback, as in whether or not this is working, what can I do to make it better, how does this sound? Sometimes we want close attention to a particular matter. Sometimes we need advice on sending things out. Several of us belong to both groups, so we have the carryover of intimacy with each other’s writing, style, concerns, etc. and this helps. We have a variety of interests. When one of our members gets published or wins an award, we’re all happy!

So, yes, I say writer’s groups can be very beneficial. These groups have kept me in touch with the writing life even when I was going through a very long dry spell and thought I might never write again. They give me hope. They point me to new authors. They encourage me to take chances. And they write, and I write. They fill my well.  

PS--For another view of our group from one of our members, check out what River has to say.  I love what she wrote!

Where Do I Come to The Page?

Becca at Becca’s Byline asks this question: where do I come to the page?


Where I write depends on what I write. When I write Morning Pages, I am lying on the couch in the family room, in front of the windows. The blinds are pulled. It is still dark outside, so I have a soft light on in the kitchen and one beside the couch. I lie propped on a big pillow with a small pillow on my stomach and my notebook on top of that. I’ve let the dog outside, so I write until he scratches on the door, then get up and let him in, then write some more until it’s time to hop in the shower and get ready for the day.

I carry a pen with me everywhere, and can be found taking notes on any available blank piece of paper that I find in my purse—backs of envelopes or receipts, one of my Moleskine notebooks that I carry to keep poems and book notes in, Post-Its, or whatever. One of my Moleskine books comes out at the book stores as I peruse the books I might want to buy. I write down the titles of books I want to buy, the price, etc. If it’s a non-fiction book, I will skim through it and write down pertinent ideas and quotes that I want to remember. Sometimes just getting the main ideas is enough, and I don’t have to buy the book. Other times, I can tell from the sheer number of quotes or the beautiful language that I must buy this book!

For blogging, I am usually sitting at my desk, composing on the keyboard. Sometimes, I lift a journal entry to use. I always develop it further at the desk though. I don’t know that I want to share a picture of my desk, even though I am like Becca and love to look at other people’s work spaces. Mine is a mess though! Piles of paper cover it, along with pens, treasures, knick-knacks, books, pictures, etc. I clean it up occasionally and it takes about two minutes for it to be filled up again. I think I have an aversion to clean empty spaces!

I don’t have a laptop. I fantasize sometimes about sitting in a comfy chair or couch with a laptop and soft lighting. I may have to borrow one to see if I would really use one that way. To me a computer means sitting upright using my ergonomically correct keyboard and a real mouse—I hate those little touch pad things.

I have a friend who writes in a teepee. I have friends who carry little notebooks with them and write anywhere and everywhere. I have a friend who writes at her dining room table. I think, when you are a writer, you can write anywhere and frequently do write everywhere. We may have our favorite spots, but all we really need is a pen or pencil and a scrap of blank paper. We carry the urge with us all the time!

How About This?

I told one of my daughters about the experience of the night rainbow. When I described the strange pinkish light, she said, “Mom, you were IN the rainbow! That is why the light looked like that!” And I think she is right. From the angle that the sun was shining through and the mist that still surrounded us, we had to be inside a rainbow. How cool is that?

Oh, and today is June 18th, Paul McCartney’s birthday! This date has stayed in my mind since those days in the 60’s when I was totally in love with Paul and convinced that somehow we would meet and he would want to marry me. I just knew it would happen! Ah, the faith of a teenage girl! While I’m not still totally in love with him, I do still have that soft place in my heart for him, and I wish him well. Happy Birthday, Paul!

Remember the Night Rainbow

Several years ago, a friend gave me a little book. He said “Read this when you’re feeling blue and I’m not around to talk to.” The book was If You’re Afraid of the Dark, Remember the Night Rainbow by Cooper Edens. It’s a beautiful little book, written for children I think, with fabulous illustrations by Cooper Edens also. The book starts with the fanciful lines “If tomorrow morning the sky falls…have clouds for breakfast.”

I love this book. I love the illustrations. And I thought that the words expressed were sweet and fanciful and lived in the land of imagination—especially the “night rainbow.”

Imagine my astonishment Sunday night when I actually saw a night rainbow! And it was truly magical.

We had a big storm Sunday evening—as we have done for the last two or three weeks almost every day. It started around 7:30 pm. The sky blackened, the wind picked up and the rains came. Thunder and lightning filled the air. This lasted until about 9:10 pm. Then suddenly, all became quiet and the sky and the air lit up with the strangest light. It wasn’t the usual green that warns of a tornado. It was an eerie purplish rosy green twilight. The sun had pierced through the western clouds, but not completely. It was still covered with a haze of gray clouds and the black clouds floated above. Yet we were inside this mauve bubble.

I went to the door. The neighbors across the street came out on their porch and pointed to the eastern sky and said “Look!” I ran out and looked back, and there was the night rainbow! A real rainbow, seen through the misty mauve at 9:15 p.m., with darkness outside our bubble.

It was magnificent. And unreal. And it filled my heart with awe and joy. I pulled out the little book and reread it. Thought of my friend. Thought about what is imagined and what is real and what we know—and how all those things are also seen through a misty haze so much of the time.

I went to bed happy, remembering the night rainbow.

Trust the Gap--A New Perspective

Isn’t it funny how we can hear something for years—we nod our heads and agree—“Yes, yes, I understand.” Then one day, someone says the same thing using different words, and suddenly “I see! I know! I understand what that means!” It’s like the light comes on and we see clearly.

That happened to me yesterday. I was listening to a clip on YouTube by Ira Glass as he talked about the importance of storytelling. He was directing his talk toward visual storytelling, but suddenly I saw it as it applied to writing. He said that our problem is that we have good taste. We’ve seen TV or movies—or read good books and stories—and we know what we love and what we create at first doesn’t match what we know and love, doesn’t match what we have seen and were aiming for. There is a gap between our creation and our ideal. And this is where so many people quit, thinking that they just can’t do it, they’re not good enough, etc. Yet he says this is the place for us to keep trying—because WE HAVE THE GOOD TASTE—we KNOW what we are aiming for. So just keep trying and each effort will get closer to our ideal. It may take years, but we will still continue to get better if we keep trying.

I think the reason so many of us quit is because we think “I didn’t make it to my ideal so that means that I don’t know how to get there and I’m no good.” But in reality, we DO know how to get there—if we have the ideal in our heads and hearts, then we know what we are aiming for. And every time we create something that doesn’t make it, we still know where we were headed and where we fell short—so if we keep going, we can make our corrections and see how the next attempt turns out.

For some reason that just brought everything into focus for me. It made me realize that I DO know how to write—I know how I want to write, and if I write and revise and write some more and revise some more, eventually I will be able to make/write/create the kind of writing that I hold as my ideal. So keep writing.

This isn’t some overinflated ego thing of “I can be just as good as so-and-so,” it is an affirmation that my intelligence or conviction or standard is valid even when my execution is deficient, that I do know what I am doing, that my writing has worth . So, I can happily keep writing and fixing and quit worrying that my writing is no good—because I have good taste, I know what good writing is, and I am on my way to achieving it.

Anyhoo—my friend Sherita will say, “Haven’t I been telling you this for years? And you only believe it when you read it somewhere else?” Yes, guilty as charged. Except that finally understanding that seeing the gap between the ideal and my creation equals “yes, you can do it.” That if I didn’t see the gap, then there would be no hope for my getting better. That “seeing the gap” is actually the important part of the equation! And that makes all the difference. That means I can trust the gap to lead to better things instead of seeing it as a deterrent. The gap shows me where to go. So trust the gap and keep writing.

Go to You Tube and watch the four clips by Ira Glass on Storytelling. If my link doesn't work, look him up. He explains all this so much clearer and better than my rambling does. And maybe some sentence that he says will illuminate an idea for you. He does know how to tell a story!

More later!