March 8, 2011
Today is my sister Judy's birthday. She would be 69 years old if she were still alive. 69! That seems so hard to believe. She died in 2003, when she was 61. She found it hard to believe that she was over 60. What would she think of 69? What would she think about her little sister already being 62, well on the way to 63 in October?
In my mind, she is still young and beautiful. The big sister that I admired, loved, emulated, annoyed, and followed for my entire life until the day she died. She was always my role model and when I grew up, she was my best friend as well as my "Seester." We used to call each other and say, "I was missing my Sissy, and just had to talk to you!" Now she has been gone for almost 8 years, and I miss my Sissy so much.
She died unexpectedly from a brain aneurysm that burst. No warning, other than high blood pressure and feeling dizzy that day. She told Mom that she needed to go home and lie down a bit. That was the last time anyone saw her alive.
It took so long even to figure out how to be in this world without her. She had been my guiding star and my center point for so long. I didn't know how to be me without her.
I have come through the worst part of grief. I have come to accept that she is gone and that my life still goes on. I have days of feeling happy; I have learned that I can live without her. And I still miss her every day of my life. Happy Birthday, Sissy! I'm so glad that you were my Seester!