I didn’t speak up much as a child. I was shy and spent most of my life trying to be invisible and fly under the radar. It wasn’t good to get noticed. When I spoke up, I usually got in some kind of trouble for what I said, so I learned to be quiet. I learned the lesson well—too well. Even now, I have a hard time saying a definite yes or no, answering a question directly, or saying exactly what I think about things.
So after spending a lifetime trying to be invisible, what on earth would possess me to start a blog? The successful blogs are the ones where people are extremely visible, where they let their personalities and their essences shine forth. And that is what I love about reading them.
So maybe I’ve just had enough of trying to be invisible. It doesn’t work very well. And when it does work, it isn’t satisfying. It isn’t like my childhood dreams of having the superpower of turning invisible at will—the dreams where I could press a certain vein in my arm, like the heroine of a book that I read. She turned invisible and solved mysteries.
I wonder if anyone else remembers that book or what the title was? The heroine was a classy dame (obviously written in the late 40’s or early 50’s); she was a sharp dresser and had long black curls (I think.) She had some kind of career and solved mysteries on the side. And her super power was pressing the vein in her wrist and disappearing. And one day she forgot and wore a wide metal bracelet on that arm and as she passed a department store window, all she saw in the reflection was her clothes walking along, including the cute little hat that curled around her head! I wondered why her clothes stayed visible that time and not on the times when she intentionally vanished!
No, being invisible in real life isn’t like that. It’s more like hiding behind a dull gray mask and wondering why no one sees the radiant colors of your self. Like saying “Hey, here I am—see the real me?”, yet never showing that self to the world. It’s a lifetime of looking through the glass that seems to be a one-way mirror to the world.
So maybe that is the reason I’ve started a blog. I’m tired of acting invisible. I’m ready to be seen and heard.
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7 comments:
Hi Linda, I just wanted to thank you for stopping by my blog. I appreciate you taking the time to post a comment. Please stop by again any time as I do love having visitors!
Kim,
I'm so glad that you returned my comment. I have you bookmarked so I'll be checking in again. I loved what you did with the recipe cards.
You should be seen and heard~you have lots of interesting, important things to say!
Here's to visibility~I'm glad I can "see" you!
Becca, I think being able to "see" each other is one of the joys of blogging. Also, when reading other blogs, we can see life more vividly--especially when someone describes a small slice of life in a way that makes it stand out. I know that I'm becoming more observant of things and people in my life.
It can be very empowering to be seen, to let yourself be seen. I've been working on "finding my voice" for a long time. I had one from the start but it got squelched. I'm still learning to trust and believe in it. You know my pardaox complex: wanting to be heard and left alone at the same time!
I think you are so ready for a blog. I look forward to reading regularly.
Colleen,
Thank you for stopping by. I understand that paradox perfectly. Right now, posting a blog entry feels like jumping into a cold swimming pool--it's exciting, yet it's startling and takes my breath away, and I have to jump back out and catch my breath before I can post again! I'm going to post more regularly, so I can get over that shock!
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