Various and Sundry: items of interest

What’s Your Story?

2011-08-03T19:01:00.001-05:00

What's Your Story?

This is a question that Patti Digh asked us during a recent day long writing workshop. What is your story? How do you become aware of your story, and then how do you change it if you need to or want to?

We all tell ourselves stories. Everyone does. All the time. We don't think of them as stories; we think of them as the truth, the way things are. We assume that everyone would say the same thing about the facts, the circumstances, the life. Yet we all choose what to say, how to say it, what voice to say it in, what to include and what to omit. Because we believe it, we tell it. And sometimes, because we tell it, we believe it. It works both ways.

To illustrate what beliefs might be driving us, Patti had us tell the story of our writing life in different voices. Pairing with a partner, one person was the speaker and one was the listener. We told our writing story as ourselves, as a five-year old, as a CEO, and as a successful, New York Times Bestseller author.

I heard how the story changed according to the speaker. I heard my five-year old talk about slights that I thought were laid aside years ago and how she doesn't like to be made fun of. My CEO surprised me the most—she delegates her writing life and lets other people write the blogs—she reads them and says, "That says it exactly!" My bestselling author talked more about hanging out with other authors than she did about writing.

Well, well, well. That is interesting!

Try the exercise. You may be surprised at what you discover. For myself, I'm going to stop delegating my writing so much, and sit down and give voice, my own voice, to what I want to say. I'm going to keep asking myself what story I'm telling in other areas of my life—not just the writing stories, but the weight stories, the housekeeping stories, the love stories, the relationship stories, etc.

How about you? What's your story?

What I Am Reading

2011-03-18T09:16:00.001-05:00

This post is actually pretty much a comment that I left on Gigi Thibodeau's new writing blog, The Magpie's Pen. After I commented, I decided it was long enough to be a blog post on it's own, with a few more details added! Be sure to check out both of Gigi's blogs, The Magpie's Fancy and The Magpie's Pen—they are both beautiful, well written, interesting blogs.

Right now I'm reading The Distant Hours by Kate Morton. It's a British novel, reminiscent of the Gothic novels I read as a younger person, and the heroines are also writers—I'm enjoying it. I should finish it tonight—the scariest part is coming up, I think!

I'm also reading a book called The Art of Attention by Donald Revell. This one is deep—I read a bit and then have to ponder. I love the book—it's about paying attention to the world as a way of finding poetry and the Divine. Excellent book.

I also have more in the series about writing called The Art of…; I think I have The Art of Syntax, by Ellen Bryant Voigt and The Art of Description, by Mark Doty, in my stack, thanks to Interlibrary Loan. I love Interlibrary Loan—it allows me to read almost any book that my heart desires, if I am willing to wait a bit. And since there are many more books in The Art of series, I have a lot to look forward to.

I 'm also reading One Thousand Gifts, by Ann Voskamp . Yes, I read multiple books at a time—something for every mood! Voskamp writes about being thankful for everything as a way of finding and loving God. The book is prose, but she is definitely a poet. Her writing is breathtaking—as a matter of fact, thinking about her way of writing led me to thinking about syntax, and then the book The Art of Syntax came into my attention—synchronicity!

And these aren't including the other books stacked around the house—from the library, from friends, or my own books. Books I've dipped into enough to know I want to finish reading them, yet I haven't started yet.

It was a sobering realization when one day I realized that no matter how much I read I would never be able to read everything in the world—or even everything in my own house—let alone all the new books that are being written every day! Oh, that is so sad to think! Still, I am going to give it my best shot! I read every spare moment that I get. How about you?

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

2011-03-17T08:52:00.001-05:00

Are you wearing green today? I am. This is the day I claim my Irish ancestry, even though I don't know for sure that I have any. My sister and I decided we had to be Irish though, with a redheaded dad and with our own dark hair and white white skin. We used to joke that we never tanned—we just went outside to take the blue out of our skin!

I love all things Irish and would love to visit there someday. I have a collection of books by Niall Williams and Christine Breen about moving to Ireland. They wrote O Come Ye Back to Ireland, The Luck of the Irish, When Summer's in the Meadow, and The Pipes Are Calling—I think I have them all! All these books chronicle their lives in Ireland. Williams is a writer and Breen paints. They left their jobs and lives in New York City to move to County Clare in western Ireland with the romantic notion that they could pursue their writing and painting full time. Once they arrive, the reality of living in a situation that requires effort and energy just to provide survival sustenance changes their plans somewhat. The books tell their stories of learning how to live and thrive.

If you get a chance, read the books. Or, even better—let's go to Ireland! Until then, here's the top-o-the-morning to ya! Have a wonderful day!

Happy Birthday, Shirley!

2011-03-16T15:44:00.001-05:00

Today is my cousin Shirley's birthday. I haven't seen her in a long time. We used to play together all the time. We played paper dolls, dolls, house, tag, and hide and seek. When we got a little older, we danced. We would turn the stereo up as loud as it would go; it vibrated the house. We would dance to "South Street" and any and all variations of the Twist. Sometimes the boys from her neighborhood would watch us through the window; we always pretended that we didn't see them. Until we wanted to talk to them, then Shirley would screech, "Go away!" and we would run to the front door. Then the boys came to the door to talk with us. We thought we were so sophisticated!

Sometimes we would play hairdresser. I always wanted to do this, and yet I had absolutely no talent for it. Shirley would do my hair; it looked great. I would do her hair, and it was always a disaster! She finally quit playing this game with me!

March is the month for family birthdays. My sister, my older daughter, my husband, my cousin, my sister-in-law, one of my brothers-in-law—I'm sure there are more if I pull up my memory or my birthday list. It's a good month for a birthday—the beginning of spring, blossoming flowers, the greening grass. So, Happy Birthday, Shirley! May your new year be filled with goodness, fun and someone to share good times!

Happy Birthday, Judy!

2011-03-08T15:39:00.001-05:00

March 8, 2011

Today is my sister Judy's birthday. She would be 69 years old if she were still alive. 69! That seems so hard to believe. She died in 2003, when she was 61. She found it hard to believe that she was over 60. What would she think of 69? What would she think about her little sister already being 62, well on the way to 63 in October?

In my mind, she is still young and beautiful. The big sister that I admired, loved, emulated, annoyed, and followed for my entire life until the day she died. She was always my role model and when I grew up, she was my best friend as well as my "Seester." We used to call each other and say, "I was missing my Sissy, and just had to talk to you!" Now she has been gone for almost 8 years, and I miss my Sissy so much.

She died unexpectedly from a brain aneurysm that burst. No warning, other than high blood pressure and feeling dizzy that day. She told Mom that she needed to go home and lie down a bit. That was the last time anyone saw her alive.

It took so long even to figure out how to be in this world without her. She had been my guiding star and my center point for so long. I didn't know how to be me without her.

I have come through the worst part of grief. I have come to accept that she is gone and that my life still goes on. I have days of feeling happy; I have learned that I can live without her. And I still miss her every day of my life. Happy Birthday, Sissy! I'm so glad that you were my Seester!

One Word for 2011

2011-01-07T16:26:00.001-05:00

For the last two or three years, instead of making New Year's Resolutions, I have chosen one word to focus on for the year. According to Ali Edwards and Christine Kane, choosing one word lets us focus on that word throughout the year, lets that word guide us when we choose how to spend our time, and lets us aspire to desired results instead of forcing us through grim effort.

2009's word was delight. 2010 was flow. I have been amazed at how keeping that one word in mind affects my life and my choices—in a good way. So I was excited about the word for 2011. What would it be? What do I want to add to my life? I pondered different words; I was gifted with the word "reconnect" through a rock from Patti Digh. Would that be my word?

As I pondered, the word that returned persistently, that tugged at my sleeve as I considered others, that insisted on being my focus for 2011 is the word "shine."

Shine, as in "let your light shine," as in "lit from within," as in "be transparent," as in "be who you are and show that to the world."

Shine as in all the time. Take away the bushel or the cover that you throw over your light when you think it isn't safe to shine. Shine when shining may call attention to you. Shine when shining may be risky.

Gulp!

As someone who has spent life trying to be invisible until she knows it is safe to appear, this word is scary. Yet, I know it is the right word for me.

Patti Digh has written and talked about sharing the light that only you can bring to the world. Just today, Kathryn Antyr, the Collage Diva, wrote a touching message that says we each have a light that is unique to us; we must tend to our light and let it shine—whether it is blazing or dim, we need to tend it and share it with the world.

Since I chose the word Shine, I expected the New Year to start with shining and blazing. Instead, I've felt tired, lethargic, and dim. I've spent time sleeping, pondering, and doing only what is necessary. I've read blogs which have given me more to ponder. And I realize that even in this time of grayness, my inner fire is still burning, still giving off light. The light never goes out. I just need to tend to the fire right now.

Marianne Williamson's book, A Course in Weight Loss, talks about removing the brick wall that hides our real self from the world. Her course instructs you in how to remove those bricks one at a time. I feel that I've kept that brick wall nice and thick through the years. I've allowed my light to shine through windows and at times have opened doors wide to let the light shine. But I've always kept my wall in place.

2011 will be my year to tend to my inner fire and to let it shine—to remove the brick wall so the real me can be seen. To shine through darkness and sun, blazing or dim, to shine and give warmth and comfort to those who may need it—or who just want to enjoy it! My focus is to shine and be seen. I guess my theme song this year will be "This little light of mine; I'm gonna let it shine!"

It's my time to SHINE!

Many Questions, Same Answer

2010-11-23T13:26:00.001-05:00

For a while, everything I read, heard or saw reinforced the idea that walking, meditation and yoga are the answers to multiple problems. Need to lose weight? Walk, meditate, yoga (WMY). Need creative ideas? WMY. Need to kick depression? WMY. Need to lower blood pressure, avoid diabetes, or lower stress? The answer is still WMY. The overlap is always there.

This past week or so, I've been reading about synchronicity, releasing body trauma, and creating more vivid writing. (By the way, my boss asked me, "Do you ever read anything for fun?" I thought I WAS!) Again, I find overlapping answers to these situations.

To release body trauma, become aware of your body sense, what your body touches, hears, smells, sees, etc.

To add sensuality and realism to your writing, drill down into your writing and tell me what the characters touch, hear, smell, see, etc.

To become aware of synchronicity, start noticing what your body touches, hears, smells, sees, etc.

It is all connected. The questions lead to the same answer. And I'm sure that if I start to walk, meditate and do yoga, I will notice what my body touches, hears, smells, sees, etc. And vice versa—if I start noticing what my body touches, hears, smells, sees, etc., soon I will be walking, meditating and doing yoga.

I feel as though I have uncovered a secret to the Universe. It's one of those, "It's so simple, how did I never see it?" moments. I sit and look around and feel peace within.

I am a person who has always lived more in my head than in my body. I've tried different things to become more physical. But the connection just wasn't there. Today, I feel a major shift in perception. I think, "By Jove, I think she's got it!" I think this time it's for real—no, more than just THINK—this time I feel it in my body and my mind. I've found the way in to this body of mine—just look around, notice what it feels, touches, hears, smells, and sees. Move when it needs to move. Sit when it needs to sit. Flex and stretch when it needs to stretch. I am safe. I am home. I am at peace. All is well.

Thankful Thursday

2010-11-18T11:37:00.002-05:00

Things I'm thankful for today:

Finding a new blog, Ripplespeak
Reading creative blogs, Magpie's Fancy, Far Away in the Sunshine
My journaling friends, Norma, Sandi, River
Learning about releasing body trauma by reading Peter Levine
Noticing synchronicity
Working at a university
Bright blue autumn skies
Naps
My fountain pen
Notebooks
Writing morning pages
Texting with my friend in CA
received my gift from Glenda--a CD of George Strait singing Christmas songs--fun! Thank you!

The feeling of joy bubbling up inside—it's been a long time coming!

Artist’s Way Check-In

2010-11-15T16:04:00.001-05:00

Recently I joined an on-line group to work through the Artist's Way. I was so excited that I would be able to have company as I worked my way through this book. I've had the book for years and made multiple tries to get all the way through. Usually by week 5 or 6, I would get derailed and then give up.

The on-line group ended unexpectedly. Some of the members are still planning to work through the book. We plan to stay in touch either on our FB connection or through each other's blogs. I have posted in both places, and then realized that I need to post on my own blog. This will help us stay connected, keep me accountable and keep me going.

We have reached the dreaded weeks 5 and 6. Some of us have stumbled. Thanks to our group and the encouragement we find, we realize that stumbling, taking time out, and/or struggling are all a part of the process. They are not reasons to quit. They are reasons to share, to draw strength from one another and then to step back into the flow and continue. I think this may be one of the biggest lessons I am learning—just keep going, stick with the program, and try, try again.

So, here I am. I do my Morning Pages. I have continued this discipline/task/treat since I first learned about them years ago. I have done slivers of Artist Dates; I need to find more ways to add fun to my life. I watch for synchronicity. I record my dreams more often, both night dreams and daydreams. I play with images and words. I read, ponder and share.

With the help of my friends, both on-line and real life, I continue on The Artist's Way.

I won!

2010-10-29T13:12:00.001-05:00

I won! I won a gift, a new blog to read and a new friend! Yesterday, I found Serendipity Cottage, a blog by Glenda. She offered a gift to the next person who became a follower and changed her number from 133 to 134. I became a follower and left a comment—and I won! Yay!

Check out Glenda's blog; I think you'll like her. I read through several of her back entries and she sounds like someone who would be fun to know. She's talented, she's funny, and she is also generous.

She likes painting, photography, vintage stuff, garage sales, and so many more things that I also like. Today she mentioned a book that I want to read—I have already been looking for it and just haven't found it yet. And she has already read it!

Drop by her spot in the blogosphere and say Hi! She'll be glad to see you. (I'll be waiting by the mailbox for my surprise gift!)

Balance or Harmony?

2010-10-19T12:58:00.001-05:00

One of the tasks in Week Two of The Artist's Way is to make a map of all the areas of our life: Spirituality, Exercise, Play, Work, Friends, Romance / Adventure. First, you draw a circle, divide it into 6 sections, and then draw a dot representing where you are currently in this aspect of your life. When you connect the dots, you can see if you are well balanced or if some areas are totally lacking. The intent then becomes to increase the parts that are lacking and become more balanced.

I read somewhere once that we should try to achieve harmony rather than balance. At different times in life, some areas take more precedence over others. The dominant areas will change, just like the melody and harmony in a song. I still think the idea of mapping out our life areas is valid, because it lets us see if the smaller areas remain in harmony or if we have neglected them altogether. We can still nurture them in small ways even when other areas are demanding big chunks of our life. This keeps them alive and contributing. And maybe we can learn ways to trim back the time-hogs!

Doing the Artist's Way is making me aware of how many pockets of time are available to slip in some creative play. And slipping in all those different slivers of creativity is bringing my life song back into harmony and balance.

How about you? Do you try to achieve balance? Or harmony? Do you think there is a difference?

My Happy Dance List

2010-10-06T09:43:00.001-05:00

Today, I feel happy! Not sure why—and after coming out of a long, sad spell, I am just thrilled to feel this way! Starting last night, I have just felt like doing the Happy Dance! This morning, I have been blog surfing, which has added to my happy feelings and given me ideas for things to write about. On Zazazu's blog, she writes about lists and how she loves them. A few of my other favorites-of-the-moment, like Days at Buttermilk Cottage and some others had a grouping/listing theme today. So, here is my Happy Dance list today:

Starting the Artist's Way group
Sunshine
October starting—it's my birthday month, and I've always felt like it is just the most beautiful month of the year
Turning leaves—red, orange, gold, gorgeous
Warm air with a crisp edge
My granddaughter sewing and loving it
Dancing
Snickerdoodles
Feeling the stirring of fresh beginnings
Reading blogs—they feel like interactive magazines or letters from pen pals
Revival meetings at our church this week—Brother Danny Whetstone is an amazing preacher!
My African violet that started blooming after I had given up on it
Writing
Reading about people restoring decrepit old houses and turning them into warm, welcoming homes
Vintage stuff
My growing collection of woven picnic baskets
Actually getting something written that I can post—and then posting it!

Hope you have a Happy Day!

New Artist's Way Group

2010-09-16T08:40:00.002-05:00

I was reading Rebecca's blog, Voyage of DISCOVERy the other day and found a link to a new on-line group that is going to work through The Artist’s Way beginning 10/1. I am so excited about this. I have wanted to do this with a group and I’ve always missed out. And when I try to work through the book on my own, I tend to fizzle out after a few weeks.

For those who aren’t familiar with The Artist’s Way, it is a book by Julia Cameron. She outlines a twelve week/twelve step program for unblocking your creativity. It involves morning pages, artist dates, and different exercises and practices for each week. You would also need a copy of the book.

Here’s the link:
http://theartistswayblog.wordpress.com/2010/09/05/october-1-2010/#comments

Let me know if you join. I think it will be fun—and hopefully productive!

Family Speak

2010-09-10T09:11:00.002-05:00

Tess at Life at Willow Manor has a wonderful entry about the made-up language that families use, those words that become commonplace and unnoticed until someone uses them in the company of strangers. The entry and the comments are well worth reading. They made me laugh and think about the words my own family uses.

We ask for hang-goomers since my young nephew (who is now an adult) couldn't say hamburgers.

We talk about monkey neck sweaters since my then four-year-old daughter begged me one day "Please, Mom, please. Don't make me wear those monkey neck sweaters. I hate having them up around my neck!" No more turtle necks for us—or monkey necks either!

This same daughter always asked for a little snack between meals to "tidy-me-over." She thought that was what Grandma said.

My aunt was always so sad to hear when a woman had to have a hector-mector. I think it sounds much less serious and more fun than a hysterectomy, don't you?

When I was a young girl, my three-year-old cousin had to stay with us for a few days while her mom was in the hospital. She was not a happy camper. Uncle Harold promised her that he would come back for her on Friday afternoon. All week, she kept saying, "Is it Pidey acker noon? My daddy is coming on Pidey acker noon!" So anytime after, when we were waiting for something that we were sure was coming, we would say "It will be here on Pidey acker noon!"

Right now, I have a four-year-old granddaughter and a three-year-old grandson, so I know that we will soon have more goodies to add to our vocabulary. How about you—do you have your own "family speak?"

Thankful Thursday

2010-09-09T14:48:00.001-05:00

These are some of the things I am thankful for on this Thursday in September:

Crisp weather
Easier breathing
Reading blogs
Vintage treasures
A granddaughter's excitement about learning to sew
Sweet three- and four-year-old grandchildren and their extravagant love
Feeling the family love
Books
Writing
Warm sunny days
Laughing with friends
Friends who write
Sewing patterns on sale for $1.99!

Group Writing Practice

2010-06-14T14:43:00.001-05:00

I belong to a Journaling Group, a Fiction Writing Group, and have been attending a new Mystery Writing Group (even though I mostly read mysteries rather than write them). People sort of understand the writing/critiques groups, but they always ask why I would want to journal in a group. Since our group is going through another transition period, a time when even some members are asking why we do this, I wrote down my reasons. And in the process, I gained clarity and inspiration myself! So I thought I'd share this with the blogosphere.

We are a writing practice group. We practice writing. We write. We practice. We share and we learn.

We write together to share the energy and new ideas that other writers bring. We journal to learn how to respond to different prompts, how to pull up memories that may be hiding under the surface, how to write using all the senses, how to see things from other perspectives, how to keep putting the pen to the paper even when you think you can't, how to share the joy of writing, to share the energy generated, to just be with other members of our tribe who understand this compulsion to write, write, write.

Try it—you might like it!

Listening to My Body

2010-06-11T09:12:00.002-05:00

Friday, June 11, 2010—where has this year gone? It seems like yesterday was January 1^st, and now the year is half over. Then we shivered in the below zero cold, wished for warmth and didn't believe that it would ever come. Now we swelter inside oven-like heat with 100% humidity and wonder if we were ever cold!
In the last few weeks, I have discovered Zhan Zhuang, the practice of standing still, which seems to be a precursor of Tai Chi. I discovered this through the blog, Voyage to DISCOVERy; the author has links to Zhan Zhuang video clips and I practice along with them. I have also read Geneen Roth's new book, Women, Food and God, which advocates listening to your body.
The combination of these two things has led to greater body awareness, to ways that I am hunching my shoulders, twisting my legs, or curving my spine. I find myself coming back to center during the day in quiet moments. I also feel more stamina since following Zhan Zhuang, and I am able to breathe easier.
One of the ideas that Zhan Zhuang advocates is practicing outside, close to trees. I am really more of an inside girl—I like nature in theory, and in practice I am squeamish around bugs, heat, plants that make me itch, breezes that blow my papers around, etc. This morning, I decided that I would take my Zhan Zhuang practice outside in the early morning; I would greet the dawn and fill my lungs with fresh air. I stepped outside in the lightening darkness, performed my warm up movements and assumed the position of stillness. Within three seconds, I was a morning feast for the mosquitoes! I could almost hear them calling out to their friends, "Hey, guys, look—it's breakfast!" I could see them flying around and feel them biting me. Right away, I incorporated Geneen's advice to listen to my body, which said, "Run back in the house! Now!" I did. Then I resumed my Zhan Zhuang while pondering that age-old question: Do they have mosquitoes in China?

Passion and Joy

2010-03-05T11:46:00.002-05:00

What do I feel passionately about? What makes my heart sing? Today I do one thing that brings me joy.

The question above comes from a month-long series of questions posed by Kathryn Antyr, the Collage Diva, on her True North Arts blog. I have been answering these questions on my own, and as I wrote today's answer, I thought, Hey, that's a blog entry! So here it is.

What do I feel passionately about? What makes my heart sing? Today I do one thing that brings me joy.

Right now, I feel passionately about fellow bloggers who can write about daily life in a way that makes my heart sing. Gigi received a gift—a beautifully wrapped, creatively wrapped gift. She photographed it and wrote about it in a way that just made me feel like I was right there with her as she opened it. The person who wrapped the gift, Sande, has a blog about gift wrapping (go figure!), and she writes about wrapping gifts in a way that makes me alternately think Hmm—maybe I should try doing this! and Oh, my goodness—these are exquisite—beyond anything a mere mortal could do. The gift wrapper also wrote about how important blogging is to her because expressing our words is what is most important. And when we express our words, someone will hear and respond. And this is what is important.

Reading these blogs nearly makes me weep. To think that these people exist, that they think like this, that they are willing to be who they are and then share that with the world. It makes me weep with joy, with relief, with recognition, with hope.

I want to be a part of this group. I feel the same way when I am with my Journal Group. As the women and lone man read, I think, Oh, I am so privileged to be in this group. Each person brings beauty, fun, freshness, and humor to our group. Each one is so different, yet in vital ways we are the same. We all love to write, love to share, love being able to say what is on our minds and in our hearts.

That sounds a lot like bloggers, doesn't it?

So, today, one thing I do that brings me joy is to read my favorite blogs. The three I mentioned above are just a small sampling of my favorites. Even the ones listed on my sidebar are a small sampling which needs updated. I encourage everyone to read and connect and enjoy—share what you can bring to the party—then we will all participate in the joy!

The Month of Love

2010-02-03T16:33:00.001-05:00

Several blogs are devoting their entries during February to the topic of love. Love in all its forms: romance, family, friends, love for pets, passions or treasures. Love for February, for life, for beauty. Since my mind kept going blank when I searched for a topic to write about, I decided that I could write about love. Then my mind went blank again.

At lunch today, I was reading another of my million books about writing. Naked, Drunk, and Writing, by Adair Lara. She says to just write—sit down, type in a sentence, then type another one, then another one. Soon momentum will take over. She isn't the only one who says this: all writing books and authors give this advice. Just sit down and write. I listen, nod my head, and avoid sitting down and writing.

Instead, I started web surfing, reading some of my favorite blogs, and discovering new ones. I read that this month is NaBloPoMo, National Blog Posting Month. Bloggers are encouraged to post an entry every day during February. In Becca's Byline, I read that people are writing about love during February. Christina at Soul Aperture has written beautiful entries about love that stir my heart. I read great posts that were only a paragraph long. (That isn't likely to happen for me—I'm way too wordy—even when I have nothing to say!) Then I closed my browser, opened a Word document, and started this post.

So—love. That's a big topic.

I tell my family and friends that I love them. My co-workers tease me about ending my personal phone calls by saying, "I love you!" They say, "Gee, we aren't supposed to tell clients THAT!" Or, "Gosh, she never tells ME that!" I don't let their teasing deter me.

As a child, I rarely heard my parents say, "I love you." Mom and Dad just weren't comfortable voicing their love. They didn't go in for hugging or kissing either. I loved being hugged, kissed, and hearing that someone loved me. When I had my children, I told them that I loved them—frequently. I hugged them. I kissed them. As an adult, as I and my parents grew older, I decided to do the same with my parents. I started to tell them that I loved them, to hug and kiss them. At first it was awkward; however, they quickly came to expect and enjoy being more demonstrative. I'm glad for that. They are both gone now, and I am so thankful for all the memories of the hugs, kisses and I love you's that I did get.

So, my first post on love is to remind you to tell people that you love them. What will the second post be? Will there be a second post? I guess I'll have to wait until tomorrow and see what happens when I sit down and write that first sentence.

Where does free time go?

2010-02-01T12:12:00.001-05:00

What happens to free time on the weekends? It just seems to disappear. During the week, I can squeeze tons of stuff around my workday. I do morning pages, log a few minutes on the elliptical, do laundry, post blog entries (sometimes—I'm not diligent about that!), call friends and long for the weekend when I can devote more time to these activities.

What happens? The weekend comes, I sleep in, I run errands and spend time with hubby, go to church, nap when I can (not during church!)—and before I know it, the weekend is over and I haven't spent any time doing any of my imagined activities.

I heard of a friend of a friend who used to believe that the weekends were totally his time to spend as he wanted. He would stay up until after midnight and then get back up at 4:00 or 5:00 AM, so he could enjoy his free time. He got a lot done and loved every minute of it.

I think about that for a little bit. And I know that I will never be like that—no matter how much I change my thoughts, change my perspective, or try to be more productive. It just ain't gonna happen! I like my sleeping in and napping too much!

I guess I should just enjoy my weekends and free time no matter how it turns out. Go with the flow, since that is my word for the year. If I really want to get in some writing, exercise, or visiting, I can slip them in in small slices, just as I do during my workweek.

I did manage to create a Full Moon Dreamboard collage this weekend. I have been creating these, along with Jamie Ridler, even though I haven't taken pictures, posted and linked them yet. This Full Moon was the Wolf Moon, and Jamie said as we pulled images to ask what we are yearning and longing for.

I love the time I spend collaging. I like looking back at my creations. When I started, I worked in a small notebook, about 5x7. Then I started using a giant sketchbook, maybe 11 x 14, filling one page at a time. Now I fill a two-page spread, and even that is becoming too small!

My husband doesn't understand why cutting, gluing and pasting give me such a thrill. He worries that I'm regressing to a second childhood! LOL I just smile and keep cutting and pasting. I love looking back at what I've created. The pictures satisfy me in some way that I don't understand and can't express.

So, today is Monday, and I'm back at work for the week. I will squeeze in as many creative moments as I can this week. Maybe squeeze in a nap some evening. And the weekend will be here before I know it!

I will have to make time to watch a least some of the Super Bowl this weekend—our Colts are playing. I hope we can make it Win #2! Go Colts!

Simple Things

2010-01-27T14:13:00.001-05:00

I read Christina's blog Soul Aperture and feel such deep happiness. She has a way of highlighting the ordinary and making me realize how beautiful daily life can be. I love her posts on simple things and I finally decided to list some of my own.

Listening to my four-year-old granddaughter request a book from my "book room"
A big pot of chili cooked by my husband, ready when I get home from work
Books and my book room
Email from my daughter
Heated seats in my car when the outside temperature is 16 degrees!
Sunshine
Phone calls with dear friends
Blogs—I love reading blogs!
A free bookmark included in my latest book purchase
Getting a copy of "The Big Tidy Up" after 30 years! This was a book by Norah Smaridge that I read to my children when they were little. We all loved it—and recently it was re-released—and now I own my own copy! (You can find it on Amazon.)
Reading The Big Tidy Up to my granddaughter
Covering up with my FuzzyWuzzy (like a Snuggie) in the mornings while I write in my notebook

I love the way reading one blog leads to another leads to another, etc.—and before you know it, you have discovered a site that makes your heart sing—and you are not quite sure how you got there—and you are so glad you did!

What Makes Me Happy

2010-01-23T22:41:00.002-05:00

Friday evening, my husband and I spent time with our daughter, her husband, her two daughters, and her son who was celebrating his 22nd birthday. We ate at O'Charley's and had the best overloaded potato soup that I've ever had. We laughed, we hugged, we reminisced about when Randal was born.

This made me very happy!

One Word for 2010

2009-12-18T11:11:00.001-05:00

Oh—I wanted to tell you about my word for 2010. This is my "One Word" ala Christine Kane and Ali Edwards. The idea is that rather than setting many resolutions that you will soon forget about, you choose one word as your guiding principle for the whole year.

I had sort of been noodling around with the idea that it was time for a new word, what should I choose, here is what I might want, etc. The word "flow" started popping up everywhere –in my reading, in conversations, on TV, on the internet. So I know that Flow is my word for 2010. And I realized that each year that I have done this process, the word has chosen me.

In 2008, my word was Trust—a word that I didn't want, and the universe wanted for me. In 2009, I was determined to pick a certain word because it was something I "should" work on—yet the universe kept popping another word into my consciousness—the word "delight." Not something I wanted to work on at all.

I began my focus by creating a collage on Delight. The intention was to keep adding to the collage through the year. That occurred only sporadically. My intention now is to create an end-of-the-year collage filled with things that delight me—if I can find the time.

Delight did keep slipping into my consciousness throughout the year. Some days, I felt sad or grumpy or depressed—and then I would think, "Can you find something to delight in?" Or something in my life would lift my heart, and the universe would whisper, "Isn't this delightful?" I noticed that delight usually comes from small incidences—a smile, a sweet, unexpected gift, hearing a favorite song, catching your favorite show on TV, finding a new blog, connecting with an old friend, or finding the perfect pen. I noticed that delight is sprinkled liberally throughout my days. I just needed to start paying attention.

So, the universe is now bringing Flow into my span of attention. Looking ahead, I think that this may involve becoming more flexible (yoga anyone?), less worrying, more spontaneity. I see pictures of rivers and brooks, water flowing from taps (remember the scene in Under the Tuscan Sun where water starts flowing from the tap in her hallway?), and blood flowing freely through arteries and veins. I'll have to look up the dictionary definition and write it down. I think of "Go with the flow," and being laid-back. I remember Luci Shaw's book, Writing the River. Oh, yes, my word for 2010 is definitely FLOW.

Websites and blogs that I like

2009-11-19T12:27:00.001-05:00

A few of my friends have been asking me how I find the blogs and sites that I find. For some reason, finding blogs is one of my natural talents, which is ironic, since I used to be so scared of breaking my computer just by hitting the wrong key! I never dreamed that one day I'd be surfing all over the web and thinking that it is a breeze.

I started compiling a partial list to share on my blog and with my friends. One thing I need to emphasize to them is that most of the time, I am just following my curiosity and following interesting links. When you find a blog that you like, look at the sidebar. Most bloggers have lists of other blogs that they read. Also, most bloggers will mention a site and link to it in the body of their text. Patti Digh even devotes her Thursday entries to interesting, fun, or thought provoking sites that she has found. Follow some of those.

Another important tip is to bookmark or add to your Favorites list any cool sites that you find. Otherwise, later, you will think, "Now, how did I get to that site that I liked yesterday? And what was the name?" And you will draw a blank. Sometimes, I also just think of a subject that I want to read more about, type that word or phrase in Google, and see what comes up. I did that recently with Google images for "writing utensils" and "typewriters." I found a ton of cool sites and pictures just from that.

Read the comments on blogs and follow those links. Chances are if someone is reading a blog that you like and taking the time to comment, you will like what they have written also.

Oh, also keep your eyes open as you read magazines, newspapers, or watch TV. I've found blogs through those also.

So, now I will reveal, in no particular order, (Yes, I watch too much Dancing with the Stars!), some of the sites that I am currently reading. And of course, this is by no means a complete list!

http://brookecastillo.typepad.com/ Brooke Castillo's self development/weight loss site. I've read her book, If I Am So Smart Why Can't I Lose Weight? I like her writing, her advice, her encouragement.

http://www.danetterelic.com/drawingboard/ I just found this blog yesterday. So far, I like everything I've read. She is creative, positive, and energetic.

http://37days.typepad.com/37days/ Patti Digh's site. She is the queen of cool sites. She always has something interesting to say and interesting links to follow. If you only read her blog and followed just the links that she sends you to, you could stay busy and interested for a long time! My friend Cynthia has met her and said that Patti is just as amazing in person as she is on her blog—and she is a very genuine person. Read this one for sure!

http://www.looseleafnotes.com/ Colleen Redman's site. I love her writing. She is so real and so interesting. I have corresponded with her when I bought her book about her brothers and their deaths. I'd like to meet her someday.

http://www.beth-kephart.blogspot.com/ Beth Kephart, a writer for young adults/teens. I've read House of Dance and Nothing But Ghosts. I loved both books. I love the way she writes, and her blog entries sometimes take my breath away. And she loves to dance! I like that.

http://travelinoma.blogspot.com/ I found this site through reading her daughter Marta's blog http://martawrites.blogspot.com/ . Both of these women are good writers. Travelin Oma has been conducting a writing school, posting prompts every day that other bloggers have been responding to. I love reading about their family lives, travel, books, all the interests that they have. Marta also is interested in letterpress, which I love.

These are just a few links to get people started. I haven't even included any of the house blogs, or creativity blogs, or artist blogs, crafty blogs, vintage blogs or writing blogs that I like to read! So go on out there and follow some of these links. I think you might find something to enjoy.

Sensory Treats

2009-10-30T19:21:00.001-05:00

I love the taste of:

Mocha frappuccino with a shot of caramel
My mom's noodles
Candied sweet potatoes
An ice cold Coca-Cola on a hot day
Flourless chocolate cake

I love the sight of:

My grandkids' smiling faces
New books to read
A rainbow
The Mississinewa river
Fountain pens

I love the sound of:

Old time rock and roll
Wind chimes
80's dance music
Children laughing
A flute

I love the smell of:

Coffee (even though I don't like to drink it very much)
Cinnamon and apple
Paul Sebastian men's cologne
A bookstore
Fresh cut grass

I love the feel of:

A baby's soft skin
Flannel sheets
A book in my hands (you knew that had to be in there somewhere!)
A hug
A soft kiss

These sensory treats were inspired by Jamie Ridler's http://jamieridlerstudios.ca/treats-a-catalogue-of-sensory-delights entry that she wrote after being inspired by the work she's doing in The Joy Diet http://www.amazon.com/Joy-Diet-Daily-Practices-Happier/dp/0609609904/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1256933737&sr=8-4 by Martha Beck. http://www.marthabeck.com/ Jamie leads an on-line group called The Next Chapter http://www.tnc-thejoydiet.blogspot.com/ . The group works through a book in unison and writes up their response weekly. I thought about joining this group because I have the book, I love Martha Beck, and I would love to be in a group like this. I've followed the group as they've worked through other books. At the time they started, I still didn't have a reliable computer, and I just didn't know if I would stick with the exercises. Maybe I'll join the next one. Until then, I check in, read their entries, and then do some of the exercises on my own. I guess that is "Learning by Lurking!"

So, how about you? What are some of your sensory treats?

Thankful Thursday

2009-10-29T19:38:00.001-05:00

Things I am thankful for today:

Having my granddaughter Shannon stay with us—she is a joy and brings new life to our house
Family
Feeling better
Sunshine
Connecting with people through the internet
Blogs
Writing
Books (of course!)
computers

Enamored of Outbuildings

2009-10-27T17:20:00.002-05:00

This phrase has been circling through my brain for the last little while, and it describes my condition perfectly. I am enamored of outbuildings, longing for a barn, a pole barn, an unused chicken coop, or a tool shed that I could claim for my own. Alas, I live in town with a small yard and a lone utility shed out back that my husband built and claimed for storing tools and yard stuff.

I grew up on farms, lived in places that always had all the buildings listed above, plus a few more. We had a woodshed, a smokehouse, a milk house, and an old lean-to in one of the barnyards. I am accustomed to having an abundance of outbuildings, places that could be used for any purpose we came up with.

When I was little, I had a playhouse in the front of the woodshed. A place where I could decorate, cook mud pies, tend to my doll family and play house with my friends and even my brother when he could be coerced into it. Of course, he always got to be "Dad" and go out to work in the field or to his job in another part of the yard. I was the one staying in my house and hanging plastic curtains up in the open window or rearranging the pieces of leftover furniture and boxes that furnished my house.

So why am I enamored of these buildings now, now that I am a grown woman, a woman who plays house for real, whose children are grown and gone, a woman who theoretically has her own real house with space to use as she will?

My longing on the surface is just for more space, space where I can set up a craft room, or an exercise room, or a writing studio or a meditation space or a barn big enough to contain all these functions. That sounds like paradise to me. I want space to spread out, to sprawl, to unfold all my collections from their imprisoning boxes or the piles stacked in every available corner of my house. A place of my own, where I can leave out the current or not so current projects that I might be working on. Or thinking about. Or just like to see. So many times for me it is out of sight, out of mind. If I had a huge barn, I could keep everything out everywhere.

I used to envy the host on the show "Collector Inspector." He lived in an old 1960's schoolhouse with long halls and many rooms and he had walls of shelves with all his collections grouped, arranged and displayed like those in a museum or second hand store. I loved that house and that man—I think I wanted to be him!

I read magazines now like "Where Women Create" and "Studios." I see all the creative spaces that current artists, painters, quilters, collagers, writers, and designers use. Each space is as individual and quirky as the person using it is. Some pages I return to again and again. I think, "I could do that!" Or, "Oh, how wonderful!" I want a space of my own, just like they have.

After writing about the outbuildings of my childhood though, I think that the childhood feeling is a big part of longing for my own shed. Yes, I could keep my stuff out there, or I could be like the famous and not so famous writers who go out to the shed every day to write or meditate. So grown up. Yet going out to that shed of my own would revive that feeling of having a special place, a place all my own, that feeling of being young with a life full of possibilities ahead of me, a life where I could make those fantasies come true. I want that feeling of largess, of boundless possibilities. And that is why, right now, I am enamored of outbuildings.

Happy Days!

2009-09-23T20:15:00.002-05:00

Oh, Happy Day! Castle is back and just as good as ever. I love that show! I love the snappy writing, the chemistry between the whole cast, and the character development--just about everything! It airs on Mondays at 10:00 p.m.

I watched the show last season and was so happy when it was renewed. Then I worried that the producers and writers would try to tweak the show and ruin it in the process. So far, no worries. The tension and snappy writing are still there. The characters are developing and staying true. I'm a happy camper.

Also, Dancing With The Stars has started again. I love that show even when I know that it is being cheesy. I love the sparkle, the glitter and the dancing--even when the dancing isn't good. I like watching people work and give their best efforts. It's fun--although I do get upset when the judges let their prejudices for or against certain stars show so blatantly. I like being surprised--I was so touched, surprised and moved by Kelly Osbourne's fabulous performance last night. Who would have guessed? She was brilliant and beautiful. So far, I haven't picked a favorite. I will before long, though, I'm sure!

I read Beth Kephart's new book, Nothing but Ghosts, last night. I absolutely love it! I had waited so long to get a copy--and it was worth the wait. I love Kephart's lyrical writing; she knows how to turn a phrase and make me see things in a fresh way. I love the characters that she created. I want to know Katie, the determined, smart, vulnerable heroine and her quirky professorial father, and Ms. McDermott, the stylish librarian. As we learned abut Katie's mother who recently died, I loved her too.

The book has mystery, love, and lessons about how to deal with the grief of losing someone you love. Since I lost my mother almost a year ago, I was seeking answers for myself as I read. And Kephart delivers answers that ring true. We keep on going a step at a time and we open to life, love and beauty. Or we don't. It is our choice. Moreover, she presents the consequences of each choice in a way that illustrates and doesn't lecture or preach or should on us.

You can check out more of Kephart's writing at her blog, Beth Kephart's Books. I am definitely a fan. I've also read her book, House of Dance. It is another young adult book that is worth your time.

Long Time, No Blog

2009-03-22T19:40:00.001-05:00

How do you start again? How do you tell what your life has been like without sounding like a soap opera? Do you need to explain? Or just show up?

Even though I haven’t been blogging for several months, I have been lurking and reading other blogs and exclaiming over the wonderful things I’ve read and thought about coming back and have just been down in a deep dark hole that I was too tired to even think about climbing out of.

Now spring is starting to come back. We’ve had some sunny days and long warm evenings. Grass is getting greener. And I realize that life goes on, whether we participate or not, no matter how sad we feel. And I feel hopeful once again.

My mom died in November. She was sick for several weeks before she died, weeks that involved staying in the hospital with her, bringing her home, taking her back, again and again. Her heart and lungs finally just gave out.

Since then I have just been in a fog. And then I was in a car wreck on icy roads (no injuries, praise God), then several other people close to me or my friends and family have died, then I’ve had recurring bouts of sinus/bronchitis infections, and my husband lost his job. Altogether, life has been bouncing me around like a pin ball. I’ve just been cowering in my corner, slogging through my days and watching out for the next blow.

Today is different though. Even though I am recuperating from yet another sinus/ear infection, my heart and spirit lifted today, when I saw the sunshine. I opened the blinds, puttered around the house, napped when I needed to, and read some uplifting blogs. I talked with a couple of friend who are going through their own personal crises. And I decided to start writing on here again.

I read other blogs and read about the connections that people are making through their blogs. I received a letter from a classmate from high school and feel connections stirring there. And we only connect when we reach out and share.

So here I am again.
More later!

What Happens When You Write Some Blues?

2008-08-28T20:17:00.002-05:00

Today I was feeling down and discouraged. At lunch, I opened my copy of Life Is A Verb by Patti Digh to see if I could find some wisdom. I found the entry “Write Some Blues.”

In it she challenges us to do ‘reverse design.” Instead of trying to create the best, create the worst. Take whatever issue is discouraging you or bothering you and flip it around. Write a treatise on ‘How To Stay Discouraged,” or “How to Stay Fat,” etc.

Patti says that while you’re writing your “how to” you may discover some things that you are doing to sabotage yourself or you may think of some way to change things. So I did it.

Here it is:

How To Feel Down and Out

• Dwell on the worst, scariest thoughts possible
• Obsess and stay paralyzed with indecision
• Avoid action at all cost
• Keep thinking “It will never get better!”
• Play “Woe is me” over and over
• Stay in your head
• Play helpless
• Demand that reality be different than what it is without doing anything to change it
• Play make believe
• Ignore what is right or good in your life
• Think that you have it worse than anyone else in the world

As I got to the end of the list, I realized that I know how to make myself miserable. I’m an expert! So why not flip it around and stop doing those things?

By the time I got done writing, I felt lighter. I actually felt like smiling. So why not try writing yourself some blues? It works! Thanks, Patti!

Writer's Groups

2008-08-14T16:45:00.003-05:00

Becca’s Write on Wednesday prompt is about writing groups and whether we’ve ever had/belonged to one.

How about you? Have you ever belonged to a writer’s group? Did it work? Why (or why not?) What would be your criteria for the perfect writer’s group?

I have belonged to a writer’s group off and on for over 20 years. So I must like them and think they’re beneficial!

In the 80’s, when I was just beginning to write poetry and short stories, I had no clue about what to do. I had one or two friends who wrote. One encouraged me to write, go to the university, carry a notebook everywhere, and talk to other writers. The other coaxed me to go to a one day workshop put on by Midwest Writers’ Workshop on a Saturday. We went together to give each other confidence in the presence of “real writers.”

At the end of the workshop, a group of the writers sat around talking. About writing, of course. Then they said, “Hey let’s all go over to the Big Wheel, get some coffee and talk some more—and why don’t you come with us?” We did. They told us about their Writer’s Group that met informally once a month at member’s houses and invited us to come. We did. Even though the group eventually quit meeting regularly, most of us still stay in touch. One of the women that I met then, Sherita, is still my best friend and cohort—my writing buddy extraordinaire!

Today, Sherita and I lead a Just Journaling writing group that meets twice a month and a Creative Writing group that meets once a month. We have a core group that usually shows up and a changing group of writers that attend and then move on. The groups are informal and supportive and fun and I couldn’t live without them.

In journaling, we use Natalie Goldberg’s model and we write timed entries then read what we’ve written. Through this sharing, we’ve grown closer, and our writing has improved. This group is a place to just write, to experiment, to practice, to play with words. We talk, we write, we laugh, we share.

In the Creative Writing group, we have more—well, a little more—structure. We bring things that we’re working on and read them aloud to get feedback. Sometimes we just need general feedback, as in whether or not this is working, what can I do to make it better, how does this sound? Sometimes we want close attention to a particular matter. Sometimes we need advice on sending things out. Several of us belong to both groups, so we have the carryover of intimacy with each other’s writing, style, concerns, etc. and this helps. We have a variety of interests. When one of our members gets published or wins an award, we’re all happy!

So, yes, I say writer’s groups can be very beneficial. These groups have kept me in touch with the writing life even when I was going through a very long dry spell and thought I might never write again. They give me hope. They point me to new authors. They encourage me to take chances. And they write, and I write. They fill my well.

PS--For another view of our group from one of our members, check out what River has to say. I love what she wrote!

Where Do I Come to The Page?

2008-06-18T15:58:00.002-05:00

Becca at Becca’s Byline asks this question: where do I come to the page?

Where I write depends on what I write. When I write Morning Pages, I am lying on the couch in the family room, in front of the windows. The blinds are pulled. It is still dark outside, so I have a soft light on in the kitchen and one beside the couch. I lie propped on a big pillow with a small pillow on my stomach and my notebook on top of that. I’ve let the dog outside, so I write until he scratches on the door, then get up and let him in, then write some more until it’s time to hop in the shower and get ready for the day.

I carry a pen with me everywhere, and can be found taking notes on any available blank piece of paper that I find in my purse—backs of envelopes or receipts, one of my Moleskine notebooks that I carry to keep poems and book notes in, Post-Its, or whatever. One of my Moleskine books comes out at the book stores as I peruse the books I might want to buy. I write down the titles of books I want to buy, the price, etc. If it’s a non-fiction book, I will skim through it and write down pertinent ideas and quotes that I want to remember. Sometimes just getting the main ideas is enough, and I don’t have to buy the book. Other times, I can tell from the sheer number of quotes or the beautiful language that I must buy this book!

For blogging, I am usually sitting at my desk, composing on the keyboard. Sometimes, I lift a journal entry to use. I always develop it further at the desk though. I don’t know that I want to share a picture of my desk, even though I am like Becca and love to look at other people’s work spaces. Mine is a mess though! Piles of paper cover it, along with pens, treasures, knick-knacks, books, pictures, etc. I clean it up occasionally and it takes about two minutes for it to be filled up again. I think I have an aversion to clean empty spaces!

I don’t have a laptop. I fantasize sometimes about sitting in a comfy chair or couch with a laptop and soft lighting. I may have to borrow one to see if I would really use one that way. To me a computer means sitting upright using my ergonomically correct keyboard and a real mouse—I hate those little touch pad things.

I have a friend who writes in a teepee. I have friends who carry little notebooks with them and write anywhere and everywhere. I have a friend who writes at her dining room table. I think, when you are a writer, you can write anywhere and frequently do write everywhere. We may have our favorite spots, but all we really need is a pen or pencil and a scrap of blank paper. We carry the urge with us all the time!

How About This?

2008-06-18T15:39:00.001-05:00

I told one of my daughters about the experience of the night rainbow. When I described the strange pinkish light, she said, “Mom, you were IN the rainbow! That is why the light looked like that!” And I think she is right. From the angle that the sun was shining through and the mist that still surrounded us, we had to be inside a rainbow. How cool is that?

Oh, and today is June 18th, Paul McCartney’s birthday! This date has stayed in my mind since those days in the 60’s when I was totally in love with Paul and convinced that somehow we would meet and he would want to marry me. I just knew it would happen! Ah, the faith of a teenage girl! While I’m not still totally in love with him, I do still have that soft place in my heart for him, and I wish him well. Happy Birthday, Paul!

Remember the Night Rainbow

2008-06-17T18:04:00.001-05:00

Several years ago, a friend gave me a little book. He said “Read this when you’re feeling blue and I’m not around to talk to.” The book was If You’re Afraid of the Dark, Remember the Night Rainbow by Cooper Edens. It’s a beautiful little book, written for children I think, with fabulous illustrations by Cooper Edens also. The book starts with the fanciful lines “If tomorrow morning the sky falls…have clouds for breakfast.”

I love this book. I love the illustrations. And I thought that the words expressed were sweet and fanciful and lived in the land of imagination—especially the “night rainbow.”

Imagine my astonishment Sunday night when I actually saw a night rainbow! And it was truly magical.

We had a big storm Sunday evening—as we have done for the last two or three weeks almost every day. It started around 7:30 pm. The sky blackened, the wind picked up and the rains came. Thunder and lightning filled the air. This lasted until about 9:10 pm. Then suddenly, all became quiet and the sky and the air lit up with the strangest light. It wasn’t the usual green that warns of a tornado. It was an eerie purplish rosy green twilight. The sun had pierced through the western clouds, but not completely. It was still covered with a haze of gray clouds and the black clouds floated above. Yet we were inside this mauve bubble.

I went to the door. The neighbors across the street came out on their porch and pointed to the eastern sky and said “Look!” I ran out and looked back, and there was the night rainbow! A real rainbow, seen through the misty mauve at 9:15 p.m., with darkness outside our bubble.

It was magnificent. And unreal. And it filled my heart with awe and joy. I pulled out the little book and reread it. Thought of my friend. Thought about what is imagined and what is real and what we know—and how all those things are also seen through a misty haze so much of the time.

I went to bed happy, remembering the night rainbow.

Trust the Gap--A New Perspective

2008-06-11T17:00:00.003-05:00

Isn’t it funny how we can hear something for years—we nod our heads and agree—“Yes, yes, I understand.” Then one day, someone says the same thing using different words, and suddenly “I see! I know! I understand what that means!” It’s like the light comes on and we see clearly.

That happened to me yesterday. I was listening to a clip on YouTube by Ira Glass as he talked about the importance of storytelling. He was directing his talk toward visual storytelling, but suddenly I saw it as it applied to writing. He said that our problem is that we have good taste. We’ve seen TV or movies—or read good books and stories—and we know what we love and what we create at first doesn’t match what we know and love, doesn’t match what we have seen and were aiming for. There is a gap between our creation and our ideal. And this is where so many people quit, thinking that they just can’t do it, they’re not good enough, etc. Yet he says this is the place for us to keep trying—because WE HAVE THE GOOD TASTE—we KNOW what we are aiming for. So just keep trying and each effort will get closer to our ideal. It may take years, but we will still continue to get better if we keep trying.

I think the reason so many of us quit is because we think “I didn’t make it to my ideal so that means that I don’t know how to get there and I’m no good.” But in reality, we DO know how to get there—if we have the ideal in our heads and hearts, then we know what we are aiming for. And every time we create something that doesn’t make it, we still know where we were headed and where we fell short—so if we keep going, we can make our corrections and see how the next attempt turns out.

For some reason that just brought everything into focus for me. It made me realize that I DO know how to write—I know how I want to write, and if I write and revise and write some more and revise some more, eventually I will be able to make/write/create the kind of writing that I hold as my ideal. So keep writing.

This isn’t some overinflated ego thing of “I can be just as good as so-and-so,” it is an affirmation that my intelligence or conviction or standard is valid even when my execution is deficient, that I do know what I am doing, that my writing has worth . So, I can happily keep writing and fixing and quit worrying that my writing is no good—because I have good taste, I know what good writing is, and I am on my way to achieving it.

Anyhoo—my friend Sherita will say, “Haven’t I been telling you this for years? And you only believe it when you read it somewhere else?” Yes, guilty as charged. Except that finally understanding that seeing the gap between the ideal and my creation equals “yes, you can do it.” That if I didn’t see the gap, then there would be no hope for my getting better. That “seeing the gap” is actually the important part of the equation! And that makes all the difference. That means I can trust the gap to lead to better things instead of seeing it as a deterrent. The gap shows me where to go. So trust the gap and keep writing.

Go to You Tube and watch the four clips by Ira Glass on Storytelling. If my link doesn't work, look him up. He explains all this so much clearer and better than my rambling does. And maybe some sentence that he says will illuminate an idea for you. He does know how to tell a story!

More later!

A Feast for the Eyes

2008-06-03T20:05:00.002-05:00

Here is something that I discovered the other day. The magazine La Vie Claire published by Claire Murray. How could something this beautiful and magnificent have been in publication for over two years without my knowing about it?

The simple, beautiful cover caught my eye as I passed the display rack in the bookstore. Then when I opened the magazine, I was hooked. I knew right away that I had to buy a copy—right then—immediately—MUST HAVE RIGHT NOW! So I bought it. Took it home. And it took me forever to get through it. I would look at a gorgeous picture. Stop to catch my breath and just think about the picture and all the emotions and memories that it pulled up. Then I’d look again. Repeat the stopping and thinking. It was the most satisfying magazine reading experience that I’ve ever had—and believe me, I am a magazine reader from way back!

I have shared this magazine with my Journaling and my Fiction Groups. I think we can use these pictures for writing prompts. My friends were impressed with the magazine too. I keep looking back through the pictures. I have decided that I need to buy some back issues and sign up for a subscription for future issues. Yes, I am truly addicted to La Vie Claire.

Lately, most of the artwork that I look at on different blogs has been collage, scrapbooking, and assemblage type things. And I love that! I do collage and scrapbooking myself. I love buying Artful Blogging and poring over each page. I love the concept of a whole made of tiny pieces. I love quilts for the pattern, color, history and artistry that goes into each one.

Yet the simplicity of La Vie Claire just captured my heart and my imagination. It felt like coming home and breathing a sigh of relief. Like sitting outside on a clear morning watching the world wake up. Peace and satisfaction.

And because it is so wonderful, I want to share it with all of you too. Enjoy!

PS--I tried taking a picture of my copy, and none of them turned out well enough to post. You can visit the website and get a glimpse of how gorgeous it is.

Life vs. Blogging

2008-06-01T19:09:00.000-05:00

When it comes to blogging regularly, in my case, it seems to be all about the time. We’ve recently started working summer hours, which means I get off work at 4:00 p.m. Getting off this early, plus daylight savings time means that I have long evenings now. I have no pressing “must watch” TV shows, I have daylight, and I have energy. This let me post entries for three days in a row.

Then, yesterday, I was gone for a happy occasion until 7:30 p.m. By the time I got home, ate supper, walked the dog, cleaned up the kitchen, and meditated (another of my activities that I am trying to do regularly), it was past my bedtime and I was exhausted. So, no blogging.

The happy occasion was that one of my granddaughters graduated high school last week, and my daughter held an open house for her yesterday. I was so proud of my granddaughter. She was Valedictorian of her class. She has won scholarships. She had a whole table filled with her awards. My daughter also had a table spread with pictures from kindergarten on up. And she had a kitchen island covered with tons of food and another table filled with little desserts. Plus, she had found a stand up photo board of a man and woman dressed as movie stars or prom goers with cutouts for people to stick their heads through. I got my husband to pose with me. He said, “Why are you so set on me doing this?” I told him this was the only prom we would ever attend, and I wanted a picture!

I am proud of both my granddaughter and my daughter for their accomplishments and their creativity. I think they’re pretty wonderful—not that I’m prejudiced!

The day was filled with family and friends, happy expectations, memories, laughter and some tears. A good day. Just no time to blog!

Farewell to a Friend

2008-05-30T18:32:00.002-05:00

Okay, I’m on a roll—three days in a row of posting! Yesterday I kept thinking of tons of things to write about. I thought my idea well would never run dry. Now today, when I have time to write, my mind is blank. What were those brilliant blog ideas???

One of the things that has been on my heart since yesterday is the closing of our local independent bookstore, Danner’s Books and Gifts. This breaks my heart. This bookstore and the three women who owned and ran it have been such a big part of my life for a long time. They made the store more than a store—it was a gathering place for anyone interested in books, writing, reading, life, knitting, crocheting, jewelry making, local events—you name it, they provided a space for it. They have the gift of making each customer feel like the most important person in the store—even when we were in the midst of a big group. For the last few years, they had added yarn and jewelry and other gorgeous things to their inventory. They provided classes and tutoring to anyone who came in with a question outside of class time. They even convinced me that I could knit—and taught me how (even though I doubt that I’ll ever be a whiz at it!) They provided space for different groups to meet, including the journal workshop that my friend, Sherita, and I lead. His Majesty, Leaf the Cat reigned over the entire kingdom. Going to Danner’s was more than just going to a store—it was a visit with family and friends and just plain fun! I’ll miss you Danner’s.

For another entry about Danner’s leaving, read my friend Sherita’s blog entry. She has written an eloquent tribute to Danner’s. She’s a just-starting blogger who has been my best bud for over 20 years. And she’s a wonderful writer too.

See you on Day 4!

A Shift in Perspective

2008-05-29T20:32:00.002-05:00

Martha Beck may have altered my whole mind set! In her book, The Four Day Win, which deals with weight loss, she challenges the readers to write a history of our weight without using any form of the verb “to be:” as in is, am, was, had, etc. Don’t say, “I am fat,” say “I carry extra weight;” or don’t say, “I was skinny,” say “I under ate.” I did this exercise, and it WAS hard! She said that switching from that passive identifying mode would let us see that our weight changes—so we can change it.

So I did the exercise. And yesterday, when I started to write in my Morning Pages, again, “I AM having a hard time waking up,” a little bell pinged in my head. Do I say “I AM…” or do I say, “I hit the snooze alarm several times today.”? The first says that I equal/am/become a person who will always experience difficulty waking up. “I hit the snooze,” says that today I made this choice, which implies that on another day I can choose to get up quickly. A subtle difference, yet so profound.

Martha’s advice for weight loss is advice for any area of our lives where we need change or improvement.

We’re told when making affirmations to make them present voice and positive, as in “I am…” So saying “I am having difficulty” is a negative affirmation that perpetuates itself. And we never even realize that we’re saying it. This explains why people say to examine how you talk to yourself and others in your daily language.

I know I’ve heard this before, in “As a man thinketh,” and “The Secret,” and all the positive thinking books, tapes and advice. But this time the light bulb went on, and I can SEE, I KNOW what it means.

This is more than slapping a positive coating on top of negativity. This is a major shift in life view. From passive to active. From helpless to powerful. From static to changeable. And I choose action, power, and change. Thank you, Martha Beck!

Thanks For The Nudge!

2008-05-28T19:53:00.002-05:00

How do you start writing on your blog again when you’ve let it lapse for much too long? Well, sometimes you need a nudge from the universe, God, a fellow blogger—or all three! I’ve been thinking “I’ve got to start blogging again—but what will I say?” So today, I went to my new friend’s blog, Llama Momma, and found that she had tagged me for a meme. Dilemma solved! Now if I can figure out how to make the time during my day to sit down and post!

The meme is to tell six random things about myself. Hmmm.

1. I love books. I carry one with me almost everywhere I go. I have bookcases (filled) in almost every room in my house and I still have piles of books on tables, chairs and the floor.
2. One of my favorite things to do is browse my bookshelves. I’ll start a search for one particular book and start scanning all my shelves. As I go, I see titles that catch my eye and before you know it, I have an arm full of books to revisit. My husband used to ask “What are you doing???” Now he just shrugs and shakes his head.
3. I have a great memory for faces. I can see someone that I haven’t seen in years, and I usually remember who he or she is. Even if I met them in the first grade—and trust me that is a long time ago!
4. I love ’57 Chevy’s. I just love the look of them. If I owned a Classic Car, it would be a ’57 Chevy. Or maybe a candy-apple-red ’57 T-Bird! Vintage cars are on my mind because we went to a Cruise-In last weekend, and I saw tons of older cars. Fun!
5. I love office supplies. Paper, pens, gadgets, copiers, staplers, hole punches—I love them all.
6. I love fountain pens. I love journaling with a fountain pen; I love the way the ink flows. I love the way fountain pens look and feel. When I graduated from university, my friends went together and bought me a marbled blue Parker DuoFold fountain pen and I loved it. I carried and used it for years. One day I lost it, and I have been heartbroken about it ever since. I really loved that pen. I posted flyers, searched everywhere that I had been, looked through all my stuff at home. No luck. I never found it. And I still miss it after all these years.

I think I’ll tag my friend at RiverWrites. She’s a fantastic writer who is fairly new to blogging, so this will be a learning experience for her too. Thanks, Llama Momma—I needed that nudge!

A Time of Refreshing

2008-04-21T21:31:00.001-05:00

I’ve just spent the most fantastic weekend at the Calvin Festival of Faith and Writing, and it was more than I could ever have imagined. Being able to go and meet Luci Shaw was a granting of my heart’s desire. That would have been sufficient. But the Calvin Festival was more than sufficient—it was a time of refreshing, a filling of my soul, satisfying longings that I didn’t even realize were there. As “God-incidence”(Denise's word) after God-incidence happened, I think God may have just been showing off so I could see just how much love and abundance He has available to pour into my life. And all I have to do is accept it. Just stay out of the way and let Him do His work.

So I returned home, ready to start blogging again (with some helpful nudges from my online friend Denise and my new found blogging friend, Llama Momma) and guess what? My Internet connection wouldn’t work!

I called the server for help and found out that they don’t support Windows 98 any more. No surprise, huh? It really is time for a new computer! After they gave up on me, I did some noodling around and finally was able to reconnect. So here’s my first post in ages, hopefully the first of a consistent new habit.

More details from the Festival later.

Sunday Thoughts

2008-01-20T23:41:00.000-05:00

Today has been a nice quiet Sunday. We took my grandson out to lunch for his birthday celebration. He'll be 20 on January 22.

After we dropped him off at his apartment, my husband and I toured two Open Houses in our neighborhood. The perfect thing to do when the temperature is in the low teens, right? Actually, I love touring houses, so the weather didn't bother me, since the sun was shining. We especially like to look at houses for sale in our neighborhood just to compare them to ours. And today, ours was definitely the winner! The two houses we saw had very cramped layouts with lots of narrow hallways and strange traffic flows. Also one had a kitchen that was definitely still in the late 60's with orange and green flowered wallpaper. We both decided that we love our home even more after seeing those houses. We have an open layout with space and light and a flowing floorplan. I am so thankful to live in this beautiful house and to be warm and cozy on this bitter cold day.

Thanks to Becca I tuned in to watch Northanger Abbey on PBS. I loved it! The actors were perfect in their parts, and I loved seeing the scenery. It's been a long time since I've read anything like Jane Austen. Maybe watching a few shows like this on television will tempt me to pick up some of her books.

Becca commented on my taking up knitting. I think I became interested in it for several reasons. I read some knitting based books. Our local bookstore began carrying yarn and slowly turned into a yarn shop with books rather than the other way around. I've read and enjoyed several internet sites about knitting. And I love the scarves and shawls and hats that I see. So I decided to take some lessons and really learn how to do this. You'd know that knitting isn't something that anyone expected of me if you could hear my brother. Mom said that he couldn't stop laughing when he heard that I was learning to knit! He laughed all the way through their phone call! Even my boss and coworker laughed when I told them what I was doing.

I still don't know if I'll become a devoted knitter. I'm much more likely to have a book in my hand than knitting needles. But I am feeling a sense of pride and accomplishment as my first project assignment begins to take shape. We're done with the practice stitches and actually working on our dishcloth, and I've already finished my assignment for this week--and I've started another one for my daughter! And I'm still working on that scarf for my granddaughter. I guess I'll just enjoy it while I'm living it!

Saturday

2008-01-19T18:48:00.000-05:00

It's Saturday, blessed Saturday, a day to unwind from a busy work week. Today the temperature outside was only in the low teens, with a wind chill factor of minus 4 degrees--yikes! The sun was shining early in the day, though, so it was a beautiful day if you didn't have to be out in the cold.

I went to my knitting class this morning. It was exciting. I had finished our assignment and took a picture of it before going to class, because I knew once we got there we would have to frog it and start over. I'm going to insert the picture here, so that is something else new that I will learn how to do. The sample shows 10 rows of knit, 10 of purl, ten of alternating knit rows and purl rows and the most exciting one--alternating knit and purl stitches to create the rib effect.

I was correct about having to rip it all out. We did, and then we started our first real project, a dishcloth. And we can't rip it out, we have to fix our mistakes--yikes! I started knitting like crazy on the dishcloth and got so enthused about it that I stopped and bought three more balls of colored yarn to make some for my daughter. And some yummy red yarn to make a scarf.

I came home and immediately started a new dishcloth and a new scarf--obviously I'm not a patient delayed gratification kind of gal--and I knit like crazy for a while. And now I know that it is possible to have a knitting hangover as well as a reading hangover!

I thought about going to the library this afternoon. Then I thought about the minus four degrees, and I just stayed put. Now it's dark, so I think it's time to put on my comfy warm pajamas and do some websurfing or some reading. I think I'd better give the knitting a rest!

I also tried taking some self portraits with my digital camera today. I've seen these on other sites and admire them so much. Mine always turn out looking goofy though--and I always seem to highlight double chins and other unflattering features. Photography is not my strong suit. So for now, I guess I'll keep looking at the photos on Flickr and keep trying to replicate them. Thank goodness for digital!

Have a safe, warm, cozy weekend if possible. That is what I intend to do. Tomorrow my husband and I are taking our grandson out to dinner to celebrate his upcoming birthday. He'll be 20, which sounds impossible. And as my husband says, when they get to be this age, we don't know what kind of gift to buy, but we do know that they still love to eat--therefore we'll take him out for dinner. And a good time will be had by all!

Good News!

2008-01-17T21:13:00.001-05:00

I am doing the happy dance tonight! My older daughter called and said that her older daughter, one of my beautiful granddaughters, was accepted into Ball State University today AND she won a Presidential Scholarship which will provide half of her tuition! I am so excited and so proud of her. Of course, I have always thought that she is brilliant (of course, of course!), and it is so exciting to know that she will be able to come to the university and study, learn and grow. Congratulations, Shannon!

My younger daughter was presented with a Remarkable Service award this week at her job. I am so proud of her too! She is such a good worker, and has such a wonderful personality, so I am happy that she has been recognized for her hard work.

And my youngest stepdaughter was able to pay off her car this week. That is a blessing, and I am proud of her.

So this week has just given me lots of reasons to do the happy dance! I am still taking my knitting lessons. Until this evening, I had thought "Knitting just may not be my cup of tea." Then tonight I was able to go online and find out what I was doing wrong--and now my practice piece is actually starting to look like it is supposed to--and that makes me happy too.

I am so thankful for these happy occasions and happy feelings. I've had the blues for far too long! So now I think I will take my happy self and get ready for a good night's sleep. Unless I knit just a few more rows! Or surf through just a few more blogs! Or read just a few more pages! Nah, I think it's time to call it a night!

Today's Creativity

2008-01-11T21:27:00.000-05:00

One of the creative things I did today was practice casting on stitches, tearing them out and repeating. That was the assignment from my first knitting class last Saturday. I now have 20 stitches cast on to take to class tomorrow--that was the rest of the assignment. I signed up for a knitting class which will meet these four Saturdays in January. Tomorrow we will learn to knit, purl and maybe increase and decrease stitches. I am excited about learning more.

The crazy thing is that last year, my granddaughter showed me how to do casting on and the knit stitch and I knit two scarves--one for my mom and one for my granddaughter. Oh, and I also knit two baby bibs. Then I put down the knitting for a year and when I picked it back up, I couldn't remember how to do it. I finally managed to knit about two inches of a scarf for another granddaughter--but I kept making mistakes and having to rip everything out and start over. That got frustrating very quickly! I decided that I want to know how to knit well and how to fix my mistakes without ripping out the entire piece of work. So I finally signed up for beginner classes at our local yarn, gift and book store. I've seen the work that the teachers do, and their stuff is fantastic. So maybe if I finish a scarf or the dishcloth that they are using for our first lesson, I will post a picture.

I also wrote my Morning Pages today. And I wrote in my journal at lunch. And read some poetry by Luci Shaw, one of my favorite poets. I was reading in Water Lines, one of her books.

I created a work schedule for our seven student workers for this Spring semester. That does require creativity because I have to work around their class schedules, give them all a comparable number of hours and cover two workrooms from the hours of 7:30 until 5:00. And usually as soon as the schedule is done, one or more of them has a change in their clinic schedule, so we either make adjustments or start over. At this point we are set to begin next week, so I feel good about that.

And I've posted here one more time! So that is going to be all for today. The next thing I create will be a nice cozy nest of warm blankets and my cushy pillow to inspire a good night's sleep. Good night!

Do it!

2008-01-10T21:35:00.000-05:00

I'm very tired and sleepy tonight, and my usual habit would be to go to bed and forget about posting. That is a habit I'm changing, and since I've read several sites today about doing something creative every day, here I am. Also, I've been reading several different advice and self help books and I've realized that the messages are all the same. We KNOW what to do--we just don't DO it! If I ate less and exercised more, I would be healthier and lose weight. If I saved money and cut expenses and found ways to increase my income, I would become wealthier. If I wrote every day, my writing would improve. We all know these things. And I've realized that I want to be someone who does these things, who practices ways to become healthy, wealthy and wise. As a matter of fact, I almost chose 'DO' as my One Word for 2008. If I would think "DO," I would get up and finish my million craft projects lying around the house. I would clean the house more often and do dishes before bedtime. I would meditate. So, tonight I am DOing by blogging, even though I'm tired.

Good news today--my older daughter has moved into the new house that she and her husband built! The final inspection was Tuesday, and they started moving in on Wednesday. When I say the house they built, that is exactly what I meant--they did the physical building themselves. They have spent the summer and fall hammering, sawing, hanging drywall, painting, and whatever else they could do. They spent their first night in the new house last night. I am so happy for them. And I haven't seen it since they've finished it, so I can't wait to see it. She lives about 40 miles from here, and with work schedules, car trouble and the weather, it hasn't been easy to get down there. I hope to get there soon.

As the weekend approaches, I am looking forward to my granddaughter Maria's second birthday. She lives here in town, and we will be going to her party on Saturday. She is such a sweet baby, and I can't wait to see her with her cake and her presents.

So, on those two good notes, I am signing off and heading toward that warm cozy bed! More later, when I can take time to write about all the ideas swirling around in my head.

One Word for January

2008-01-09T22:18:00.000-05:00

Two bloggers, Christine Kane and Ali Edwards, advocate choosing a word to focus on for the year rather than making New Year’s resolutions. I did that along with them last year. My word was “Trust.” They recommend journaling about the word, doing collage or scrapbooking, writing a poem or whatever will help you express your word and keep it in your mind. I did very well focusing on Trust during the first few months, and then it drifted out of my thoughts until the end of 2007.

I like the idea of focusing on one word, so this year I proposed to my Journaling group that we each choose a word to focus on for a month and choose a new word at the beginning of each month in 2008. They liked this idea, so Monday we all chose a word. We wrote an entry on what the word brought to mind, and it was so serendipitous that every person’s word fit something that they needed or had been thinking about. I love that!

The word I chose is “Heal.” Here is what I wrote for my entry:

Heal. This word is already taking place in my life. I’ve begun to write 30-minute entries on focused issues and exercises from Writing From The Source, by Allison Price. I’ve had the book for a few years and never read it. One day in November, the book just caught my attention on the shelf, and I picked it up, read it and started doing the exercises. I wrote 21 days in a row. Then I re-read and thought about the entries. I’ve also written about Christmas, an assignment my friend Sherita gave me two years ago in order to heal my angst about Christmas. I put it off until now. And I’ve started writing long entries about money issues also.

I think, feel and believe that I’m in a place of being ready to heal. And the healing is taking place.

A big part of the healing is using the focused writing prompts. I feel kind of stupid in some ways—I’ve been teaching journal groups and classes for years, teaching other people to use their writing as a healing tool. Yet somehow my head knowledge didn’t translate into real knowing until I started writing these entries. And all the things I’ve been teaching are true—just continued deep writing brings all sorts of things into my awareness. And being aware brings healing either through change, new choices, or acceptance. So I will continue to write, and I will continue to heal.

Healing also comes from allowing in the love and kindness that is there in my world, from becoming aware of it, and accepting it. From being thankful.

Here’s to a healing, thankful, wonderful 2008!

A New Year

2008-01-06T22:33:00.000-05:00

A New Year has started, and it is a time for new beginnings, turning over a new leaf, making resolutions, etc. I haven't really made any New Year's resolutions because they are so often broken. I did take time for reflection in the week between Christmas and New Year's Day. For the first time in nearly 20 years, I was able to take vacation time during that week, and I loved every minute of it! I didn't accomplish any grand plans--I mostly rested, read, reflected and wrote. And I think that was exactly what I needed to do.

I've spent a lot of time reading blogs that I love. And each time I read something so poignant, beautiful, witty, philosophical, insightful, or just plain wonderful, I want to be a part of the blogging group, to get to be friends with all these wonderful people, to share in the camaraderie. Yet I hang back, get too busy to post, make determined vows to "start again" then don't write because I don't have time for a long post--you name the excuse, I probably have it! One of my blog friends said that she had noticed that my blog was rusting! :)

Well, after reading some wonderful entries tonight, I decided to just do it. Write something, even if it's only a few lines, even if it isn't deep and philosophical, even if it sounds trite and says nothing. I read somewhere that real love is being present for someone. And as I've pondered this, I believe that it's true. And that this can apply to activities as well as people. so if I really love blogging and my blogger friends, then all I need to do is be present. Show up, write something, keep learning as I go.

So, Happy New Year! and may my blog never "rust" again!

At Last!

2007-08-25T20:56:00.000-05:00

At last! Artful Blogging is mine! MJ (my boss) brought it back from Indy for me yesterday. I was so excited. I have been coveting this magazine since I first read about it, and no one—I mean NOT ONE STORE in Muncie had a copy of it anywhere that I could find. Things have been too busy for me to drive the 50 miles to get to Indianapolis to find one. Thank you MJ! It’s wonderful to have a boss who understands my obsessions. She rocks!

The magazine is so cram packed full of images and bloggers that it’s too rich to read all at once. I had to sip it. I read awhile, then quit to do other things while I mulled over who and what I had seen. I repeated that scenario until the very end when I skimmed through a huge chunk of pages in one gulp! I know I’ll be re-reading them.

I was so surprised to find how many bloggers I already read—AND—how many new ones I have to discover! Yay! It’s wonderful.

The pictures and colors are so vivid. I loved reading every entry.

One thing they emphasized was how blogging is a learning experience. They all had to learn by doing. And so do I. Just do it, Linda! Show up and do it. So here I am again.

Again and Artful Blogging begin with the letter A. So do absence and away. Words that fit into the Alphabet meme started by Bella Dia. I read about it on 37 Days and Becca’s Byline, and it sounds fun. Using the letters of the alphabet to pick a word, one at a time, in a series, to do an Encyclopedia of you. Patti was doing hers daily; Becca is doing hers weekly on Mondays to jumpstart her blogging. It’s really pretty cool.

I think I’m going to begin this too. Although I may choose to write on the same letter for a few days in a row, because I just keep coming up with words and A entries! I was going to use away or absence as my first theme. Instead I began with “At last! Artful Blogging.” I could add awesome to the description of Artful Blogging!

I’ve already written an entry about away and absence. I’ll use it for my next post. It’s long and serious, and I think people’s eyes would cross, and they would give up before they got to the end if I combined it with this post! So more later!

Starting Over

2007-06-19T20:13:00.000-05:00

At lunch today, I read an article in the February 2007 Yoga Journal by Phillip Moffitt, titled Starting Over. It really resonated with me. He writes about meditating and how we continually pull our focus back to our breath. We don’t follow the roving thoughts, we don’t rant about what we’re doing; we just start over. And he says that we need to apply this practice of starting over to all areas of our life where we are struggling.

In health and exercise, don’t fret, give up or get angry when we lose our focus. Just say, “I’ve lost my focus. I’ve fallen off the wagon AND I’m getting back on. I’ll do my Pilates, my flossing, my daily walk, or whatever discipline we have fallen away from. When I read this, I thought, This would work for me. I could use it to get back on track with the house. Instead of feeling overwhelmed when I look at the mess in the two back rooms, I can say “Okay, I’ve lost my focus here AND I’m going to pick up some things and put them away or throw them away.” “Okay, I feel overwhelmed and panicky and I’m going to put away at least one thing and make the room look a little bit better.” He says “You simply do what you care about as well as you can.” “…you attend as best you can to the immediate situation that is challenging you.”

He also says “…if you discover you are overeating in this moment, you simply stop eating…no drama; you just get right back on your path and start over.” I think that I’ve started doing this with the dirty dishes. I’ve been washing them more regularly. And when I start thinking “Oh, no, I don’t want to do this, blah, blah, blah,” I’ve been reminding myself of Cheri Huber’s words about “what if it isn’t about being good or bad, what if it’s just about the dishes?” and I go out and wash them. I do still have to stop the whiny thoughts that loop through my brain about “well, if you had washed them yesterday you wouldn’t have had this many—this dish would already have been clean, and this one and not that one.” And I’ve been just letting those rabid thoughts go.

So I’ve started doing this starting over practice in that area. Now I need to make it my daily practice for other things. He recommends choosing one or two areas to concentrate on until we can get it to be a habit. He also says to begin by noticing “what happens when you waste time feeling discouraged, escaping, or indulging your restless mind.” He says to “let meditation be your laboratory for training your mind to think and respond in this new way.” We just need to bring our attention back to our breath when our minds wander. Start over. Say “Yes, I just got lost, and now I’ll just start over.”

And a practical way to apply this new practice is right here on my blog. So, I got lost and busy and overwhelmed and I let my blog go AND now I’m just starting over. I’m posting an entry. I’m writing. I’m back on the blogging path. Thank you Phillip Moffitt!

Simple

2007-05-27T22:07:00.000-05:00

Simple things are best. After all the stress and worry over our little grandson who was born prematurely, having him come home on Friday to sleep, eat, fill his diaper, cry, and then do it all over again seems like such a simple thing and such a blessing. Watching him sleep in his mother’s arms makes me smile and want to cry, all at the same time.

Tonight my mom called and asked a favor. She wants me to stop at a fruit stand tomorrow and bring her two tomatoes. Real tomatoes, with real taste, not like the hard flavorless ones from a supermarket. Simple and so satisfying.

One of my daughters called tonight to report that she had seen a rainbow, full and complete with both ends showing. And her two growing daughters had shopped for groceries and made supper! Hamburgers, chips and a chili/cheese dip. Simple, yet also a milestone in their family life.

Yes, our big celebrations and elaborate productions are wonderful. But these simple moments are the ones that live in our hearts and make our days happy.

Written in response to the prompt at Sunday Scribblings.

Bargains

2007-05-21T21:13:00.000-05:00

Saturday, my husband and I went rummaging. I wasn’t really in the mood or excited about visiting all the garage sales that we’d marked in the paper. I even thought that going to the bookstore to sit and read sounded like a much more fun way to spend the day. But he was in the mood to roam and look at things, so away we went. And I am so glad that we did!

I found more bargains on Saturday than I have ever found when I was looking for them. My first find was an ergonomic keyboard for only $3.00—and it works perfectly! The owner had upgraded to a wireless keyboard and he didn’t like the split keyboard anyway. I use one at work and I love it. Once I started using it, my wrists quit hurting. My old keyboard at home then became more of a pain to use, especially if I was typing for a long session. Now I can type as long as I want and feel no pain. And I love the feel of the keys clicking on this new keyboard—I smile every time I use it! I know--I’m such a geek!

Another bargain was an easy-to-assemble Christmas tree for $12.50. Our old tree was the kind that needs all the branches inserted separately and it still left big gaps between the branches. Of course, by the time I had loaded it with my humongous collection of 40 years worth of ornaments, it looked pretty good! But it was a bear to put together. Now I have one that will take me ten minutes, tops, to put up, and it is so full and pretty. My husband thought I was crazy for buying a Christmas tree in May. I pointed out that $12.50 spent in May beats $100 spent in December—and it also beats the dread and frustration that I felt putting the old one together.

I found several books. A Jody Picoult for ten cents. Three coffee table books—one on living in Provence, one about Indiana, and one about the wonders of the Ancient World—for only a quarter each! I had to have those.

And I found a sweet little saucer with colorful blue and orange birds flying around the rim. It reminds me of some that my Grandma had. The finish is crackled and worn. But at ten cents, how could I pass it up?

I am pleased with all my bargains. Not bad for less than twenty dollars, huh?

Seven Things About Me

2007-05-19T18:48:00.000-05:00

Denise tagged me several days (weeks?) back to list seven things about me that most people don’t know. I haven’t had or made the time to write in here, yet the idea has been on my mind. I’ve mulled over the question of whether or not these seven things are supposed to be things that no one knows or just seven things the blog world doesn’t know. If it’s just the blog world, almost anything could be written, because I haven’t been blogging very long and only a few people know that I’m here. So anything that I tell the world will be a surprise. To my friends and family around here, some of these things will cause some of them to say, “Been knowin’ that!”

1. I was the first and only female journeyman pressman at the local newspaper. I always thought that they hired me as a token woman who wouldn’t make it through the apprenticeship and then they could say that they tried to make the hiring equal but women just couldn’t handle the job! Instead, I dug in my heels and made it through the grueling four-year apprenticeship and then worked there for six more years. I knew that I was in for a hard time when my first job on my first night was to carry a full bucket of ink up a ladder and pour it into the ink fountain on top of the press. The male crew didn’t really want me there, yet by the time I left, I was one of the gang. It was like having 16 older brothers who looked out for me and told me how to live my life! I think they finally figured out that I wasn’t taking the job to prove anything—I was just a single mother trying to provide a living for my children and make a decent wage.

2. I’ve always been a bookworm. From the time I could read, Mom says that when she looked for me, she always found me with my nose stuck in a book. I always carry a book with me whenever I go someplace, just in case. My favorite cartoon, that my sister and fellow bookworm also loved, shows two people sitting on clouds in heaven, and one says to the other, “I knew I should have brought a book!”

3. I have been a lurker on blogs for years. I read them voraciously and follow the bloggers’ lives and feel like I know them well. Yet, I’ve been very shy about speaking to them directly and letting them know how much they mean to me.

4. One of my favorite blogs was Texere, written by Dawnelle. I loved reading everything that she ever wrote, and when she quit writing several years ago, I was so sad. I still miss her writing after all this time. I wish she’d come back!

5. When I was younger, my house was always messy in the visible parts, yet every cabinet, drawer and closet was meticulously arranged. This used to amaze my sister-in-law, whose house was always neat as a pin, yet her closets and drawers were filled with stuff haphazardly thrown in.

6. I took a tap dancing class as part of my college education. I loved it!

7. My friends at work call me Webster, because I love spelling and reading. Any time they have a grammar question, they come to me.

I’m not going to tag anyone else, since I’ve only conversed with two or three other bloggers. And I guess that fits in with my childhood personality of watching from the sidelines for a long time before I jump in to play the game!

Good news to report--my newest grandson is doing well! He was transferred to Riley Hospital for Children in Indianapolis because he was having intestinal problems. He is healing nicely and the doctor is pleased with his progress. He may get to come home in about a week. I finally got to see him this week, and of course he is adorable! I can't wait for him to be healthy and come home so I can hold him!

More later!

A Simple Sunday

2007-05-06T21:34:00.000-05:00

Today has been a sort of quiet day--yet also a good day. We found out that they've taken our new grandson off the breathing tube, and he is still doing well. I am so thankful for that. I described my car dilemma to a friend, and her daughter suggested that we check our transmission fluid. She had had the same problem and that was the solution for her. So my husband checked it and it was low--very low! He added transmission fluid, and we're hoping that the problem is solved. We haven't tested it on the highway yet, but it seemed to help even here in town.

Today was the first day that we took our 16 month old granddaughter, Maria, to church with us. We usually take her big sister, who is almost five. Today they both came along, and Maria had a blast! She loved seeing the other little kids and being in the nursery with them. She is normally shy and reluctant around strangers. Today she jumped right in and had a good time. I think this means we will now have two little passengers on Sunday! Since these two girls are big sisters to the new boy, I'm sure their Mom will appreciate the break!

Tonight I happened to see Beach Party with Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello (1963). Talk about a blast from the past! I started watching just to see what it was like, what I'd remember, etc. Before I knew it, I had watched the whole thing. Parts of it are so corny! And it is funny in places that I'm sure they didn't mean to be funny! And Annette's hair--it was sprayed and teased and didn't even move when she was flying upside down! My husband came in and asked how I could stand to watch it. I just enjoyed seeing something that I used to love now that I've gained some maturity (or gotten older!). It definitely changes your perspective! It did bring back memories and it was fun. It made me think about how things have changed. I loved seeing Robert Cummings again. So I think it was worth my time to stroll down memory lane. I did draw the line at watching the next show which was Beach Blanket Bingo! A stroll is one thing; I didn't want to turn it into a long walk!

More later!

No Go Disappointment!

2007-05-05T19:07:00.000-05:00

I wasn’t able to make it to my nephew Shane’s wedding today, and that is a huge disappointment. I started off on the 100-mile trip. Before I had gone 40 miles, the car started acting up. I thought maybe the first incident was a fluke. Before I got to the next exit, it did it again. I called my husband and turned around to head home. By then, I had to get off the interstate because the car wouldn’t go over 40 miles an hour. I am so thankful that I was able to get home. Now the car is sitting and waiting until a mechanic can look at it. I came home, cried, and then “took to my bed” as all good Southern women do when life is too much. After a nap, I’m feeling much less devastated.

My husband took the car out to see what was wrong. He came home and said those classic male words that I hate to hear. “Gee, honey, I couldn’t find anything wrong with it.” I thought, “Of course you can’t find anything wrong when you take it around the block at 20 miles an hour. Try driving on the interstate when the engine suddenly roars, the tachometer whips back and forth, and the pressing forward stops!” Beginning to coast when a huge semi is on your tale is no fun!

I really hate missing the wedding. This nephew is the one who has always seemed older than his years. He and his older brother lived right down the street from us when my daughters were small. My two daughters, then his brother, then him—they looked like little stair-steps, and any time people saw us out, they assumed that all four children were mine. And they seemed like my own sons, just as my girls were Shirley’s daughters. I remember one time when Shane was about four years old. He was telling me a long involved story about something, and my mind started to wander. He reached up, placed his two hands on my cheeks, looked straight in my eyes, and said “Aunt Linda, you’re not listening to me.” Needless to say, I paid attention to the rest of the story! Shane was always coming up with some deep philosophical comment that amazed us. We thought that he would grow up to be a preacher or a professor. He has grown up to work with a Christian camp youth ministry, and he does a fabulous job.

I pulled out old family photos this evening and looked through them, remembering what a sweet little boy he was and how much fun we had. He’s brought great joy to my life. I hope that he and his new wife have a blessed marriage. And I sure hope that someone made a video of his wedding!

Birth Day!

2007-05-04T21:57:00.001-05:00

Our stubborn little grandson made his appearance today! He was born at 1:30 a.m. weighing 6 pounds and 10 ounces, and he is 19 ½ inches long. He is on a breathing tube for a few days, although the doctor is already starting to wean him off of it. So far, I’ve only seen pictures of him. The NICU has strict rules about how many people can visit, so we have to wait until he comes out. Mom is doing fine, although she is tired and sore and worried because he has to be away from her. I understand that anxiety. Mothers aren’t at peace until their babies are within their care. Even Grandmas feel the same way! I am so thankful that he is here, and I can’t wait to hold him, rock him, and love on him.

I’m off to a nephew’s wedding tomorrow. He waited until after 30 for the right woman to come along, and now he’s found her. And I find it hard to believe that he is that old already. I still remember seeing him when he was as new born as my newest grandson. Where does the time go?

Right now, the time is zipping along past my bedtime. And since tomorrow includes a Mother-Daughter breakfast, another visit to the hospital, a long drive and a wedding, I think I’d better hit the hay!

More later!

Life Fills the Well

2007-05-03T20:33:00.000-05:00

I've been absent from blogging for awhile, and I've been feeling guilty. Yet, after reading Becca's post today, I realized that I can drop the guilt. Just as she said, life has been busy. So she thinks of these activities that keep her away from blogging as a period of filling the well. Reading the books, listening to music, spending time with family, all serve to enrich our lives. After reading what she wrote, I felt like I could take a deep breath and relax. And guess what? After I let go of the guilt, I felt the desire to come back and connect with the blog world again!

A big part of what has been keeping me away from here has been my grandkids. Two of them are teenagers, and when their computer isn't working at home, they come to my house to do homework and use the internet. That means restricted time for me to get on and noodle around. I don't mind though. I love having them here, and I want them to do well in school. The latest project that my granddaughter (a junior) worked on boggled my mind. It was a multimedia presentation that involved a lot of research and creativity. Her topic included jazz, so I was able to share some of the poetry that William Matthews wrote and some of the CD's that his poetry had inspired me to check out of the library, Charles Mingus in particular.

Then on Saturday, I went to her house to take pictures before she went to the Junior Prom. She looked so beautiful! I look at her, and I'm amazed at her beauty and poise. She borrowed my camera to take with her, so I got to see the shots of her goofing around with her friends. I liked seeing that side of her too.

We also have a little grandson who has been trying to come into the world for the last several weeks. My youngest stepdaughter is in the hospital on bed rest waiting for him to be born. Her labor was progressing too well, even though he isn't due for another 3 weeks. Now that she is far enough along and the doctor said that she can go ahead and give birth, the labor has slowed down. My friend says that is just the stubborn little boy having his way! We went to the hospital again tonight, and again we came home. She still thinks he'll be born before morning. I think she's just tired of lying in that lonely room!

Now you know what has been filling my well lately. And with a family wedding coming up this weekend, a Mother-Daughter breakfast at church, and more trips to the hospital, I'm sure that I'll have more to share soon.

More later!

Fiction

2007-04-27T20:59:00.000-05:00

I wrote this in response to a prompt given at our journal group.

Fiction gives us the chance that life denies us. Paul Theroux

This quote reminds me of the story of how Sue Grafton began writing. She was angry with her ex-husband after her divorce. She said she felt like killing him; since that wasn’t allowed, she wrote a murder mystery with him in mind. And after it was done, she sold it and started her series of Alphabet Murders! I don’t know if it’s true, but I like that story.
I know that when I read a good story, I am transported into the life and locale of the book. The characters, the places and the events become real. I get to travel and live right along with the characters. I can jump through time and space, through gender, through circumstances.
I may never get to Prince Edward Island, or Tuscany or Ireland, yet I’ve already lived there. I’ve been orphaned, a governess, a writer, a Civil War survivor who will never go hungry again. I’ve lived in Chicago, in Iowa, and in the Deep South. I’ve solved mysteries with my gang of friends and with my two cats. And I’ve done all these things while sitting in a chair with my nose stuck in a book. So, yes, fiction does give us chances that life denies us. It can also create new choices and new chances. After we read about these people and places, we can choose to go and experience them in our real life. Or we can write about them and share with others.

Painting a Promise

2007-04-09T21:15:00.000-05:00

In honor of National Poetry Month, here is one of my favorite poems written by one of my favorite poets, Luci Shaw. This one is found in her book, Polishing the Petoskey Stone.

How to paint a promise in January
for Lauren

Here in my winter breakfast room,
the colors of rainbows are
reduced to eight solid lozenges in a
white metal tray. A child’s brush
muddies them to gray in a
glass of water. Even the light breaks down
as it pushes through the rain-streaked
windows and polishes the wooden table
imperfectly.
Green leaves always turn
brown. Summer died into the dark days
a long time ago; it is hard even to
remember what it was like, stalled
as I am in this narrow slot of time
and daylight.
Until I look down again
and see, puddling along the paper,
under a painted orange sun
primitive as the first spoked wheel,
the ribbon of color flowing out of
my grand-daughter’s memory—a new
rainbow, arc-ing wet over strokes of grass
green enough to be true.

Luci Shaw

2007-04-07T12:14:00.000-05:00

Okay, in my last entry I wrote about showing up every day, doing a little bit consistently, not binge and starve, feast or famine. Then yesterday, I read about an excellent teacher, writer and poet, Sebastian Matthews, in a post at 37 Days (a wonderful, thought provoking website). Sebastian Matthews is William Matthews’ son. William Matthews was a poet. After following the link to Sebastian’s site and reading some of his prose about his father that just blew me away, I read a few of his father’s poems. And the binge and feast was on. I immediately went to the library and checked out five of William Matthews’ books—I would also have checked out Sebastian’s but the library didn’t have anything of his. So, anyway, I checked out the five books of poetry, took them home and spent my evening reading one poem after another, calling my friend and reading poems aloud to her, then reading some more. And I was happy.

And I realize that I am not naturally a little by little, day-by-day type of person. I prefer to do things in fits and starts with great swoops of activity followed by long periods of doing nothing. I could blame it on my mother, I guess, although that would be the cowardly thing to do!

My mother hated doing inside work. Put her outside on a tractor or in the garden, and she was happy. Inside was a different story. Things would pile up around the house until she couldn’t stand it any more. Then she’d announce one morning, “It’s time to give this room a physic!” And she’d flinter in to it (that’s how she described it). She’d work like a woman possessed, scrubbing, tossing, dusting and arranging until the room was spotless and beautiful. Then the cycle would begin again.

Either by habit or by nature, I have adopted this as my modus operandi. But somewhere along the line, my episodes of giving a room a physic—which I never realized until I was an adult was another name for a laxative and probably meant the room was full of crap—have slowed down. My flint has lost its spark! This is especially evident in my study/office/studio—my all purpose hideaway that is filled to the brim with all the books, papers and magazines that I’ve binged on. They’re everywhere.

Today I’m trying to make some progress in clearing it up. I’ve sorted mail, shredded junk papers, piled books, and made some order. I’ve been thinking of the poems that I read last night. Thinking of life in general and wondering how to be happy with who I am while I’m still trying to improve. I’m listening to Charles Mingus clips on my computer as I type these words, thanks to reading about the love William Matthews had for jazz and for Mingus’ music. And, in my usual manner, now I want to go out and buy tons of jazz cds and fill my ears with those while I fill my heart with the poems.

And you see why I have trouble sticking with cleaning—right here in the middle of it, I had to stop and write down all these thoughts that have been swirling around my head! I had to make the connections, get these thoughts in order and then share them with the world. Now that I’ve done that, I guess it’s time to flinter in again!

Show Up. Take Action. Read Poetry.

2007-04-05T21:28:00.000-05:00

April is Poetry Month. I’ve been reading several other blogs, and they have entries listing their favorite poems, poets, original poetry, etc. Alice Friman is one of my favorite poets. I attended a poetry reading by her on March 29. She read from her new book The Book of the Rotten Daughter, poems that were written while she was dealing with the death of her father and mother. The poems are powerful, and they show how much grief and death are a part of life.

The following weekend, I attended a workshop given by Jennifer Bosveld of Pudding House Publishing House at the Writers’ Center of Indiana. The workshop was valuable and interesting even though it was not what I expected at all. I thought I was signing up for a workshop on writing and critiquing individual poems; instead the workshop was geared toward looking at poetry chapbook collections and possible publishing by Pudding House. Since I haven’t even written enough poems to fill a chapbook, let alone have that many published, I wasn’t sure that I was in the right place. I still learned a lot about writing poetry from Ms. Bosveld and about publishing, chapbooks, and life in general. One of the first things I learned was “Turn off your cell phone BEFORE the poetry reading starts!” I rarely get calls on my cell phone, so I forgot. Guess what? My phone rang right in the middle of a reading. That was embarrassing!

Another thing on my mind is “showing up.” I’ve been reading a lot of personal development websites and also Kate DiCamillo’s journal on her writing site. She has an article about the importance of showing up, every day. Almost all of the personal development people emphasize the habit of showing up. Last week, I decided (and even wrote in my journal) that I was going to show up. Show up on my blog, show up at exercising, show up to write every day, show up in all the areas where I want to improve. Even as I wrote that, I realized that that is a lot showing up! And now that I’ve tried to live the showing up for a week, I also realize that if I show up for everything, every day, including my full time job and the normal everyday house and food activities, then I am going to have to quit showing up for sleep! If I try to do all those things, I stay up late, get up early and then crash by the time the weekend gets here. And if I go to bed exhausted, then I don’t show up for my potential practices. (Of course, I DID manage to show up for Dancing with The Stars and American Idol—I couldn’t miss those! Especially Dancing with the Stars—watching that show satisfies my soul. Seeing all the contestants, both professional and celebrity, glide, stomp, shimmy and shake across the floor just makes me happy. I love dancing, love to do it myself and love to watch others dancing. So I couldn’t give that up!

Steve Pavlina wrote about being consistent and showing results. He wrote about “self-help junkies,” people who read self-help books, who are always looking for that next magic piece of knowledge that will change their lives, yet their lives never change. They never apply what they DO know. That struck home with me. I own and read tons of self-help books. I own and read tons of writing books. Books about diet, exercise, becoming wealthy. Yet I read them and the knowledge just stays inside my head. Or I try different strategies, and then let them go. So the message, “Show up! Take action!” comes to me through several messengers. I really think this is the lesson for me to learn right now. SHOW UP. TAKE ACTION.

Another fantastic writer, David St. Lawrence had some good advice on his blog, Ripples. He wrote about how to make a fresh start and get yourself out of “almost any hole you have put yourself into.” He says to “write down your most immediate and serious problem. Find one thing you can do about it today and do it.” Once you’ve done that, then pick your next step and do it. Then the next step. And do it. Eventually you will work your way out of the pit. This message gives me hope. It’s doable. If I show up.

Be sure to check out David’s blog. All of his articles are well written and thought provoking and enjoyable to read.

Back to poetry: one of the things Jennifer Bosveld had each participant to do was name our favorite poets. Among the wide variety of favorites, one name kept repeating: Mary Oliver. Billy Collins, William Carlos Williams, Wallace Stevens, Emily Dickinson, and William Stafford were mentioned more than once. I also like Luci Shaw—one of my dreams is to meet her some day and take a poetry workshop from her. I love Billy Collins; he’s funny and wonderful to listen to. I like Beth Ann Fennelly, Andrea Potos, and Greenish Lady’s poetry. Oh, and Linda Pastan and Nancy Willard. The longer I think about poetry, the more poets I remember. I know some one on some site that I came across during my web travels recommended reading a poem a day for the month of April, in honor of National Poetry Month. And by reading one poem a day, every day for thirty days, rather than bingeing and then starving throughout the month, we can practice being consistent. Show up. Take action.

Poetry Reading

2007-03-29T20:40:00.000-05:00

Tonight I went with my friend Sherita to listen to Alice Friman read from her new book of poetry, The Book of the Rotten Daughter. She was appearing at the University as part of the Women's Week presentations. Alice used to teach classes and workshops here when she lived in Indianapolis. She now lives in Georgia, so I hadn't seen her for a few years. It was wonderful to see and hear her again.

Several of the poems in this book deal with the deaths of her father and mother and the time that she spent tending her mother in a nursing home. She said that some people may think that is gruesome, but "writing helps us grieve, helps us understand." She also said that she believes that writing poetry is "like writing with a laser beam." She did throw some more lighthearted poems into the mix, so we wouldn't all be too depressed.

Alice is a fantastic poet. I love her phrasing and choice of words. And I love hearing her read, with her New York accent--still strong after all these years of living in Indiana and now in Georgia.

Sherita and I and another friend are going to go to a poetry workshop this weekend in Indianapolis. I haven't written much poetry lately. Poems are mysterious to me; it seems like they either come almost full-blown or they don't come at all. I've tried several of the techniques that other poets recommend. Clustering helps create them. Word tickets, used like Susan Wooldridge teaches in Poemcrazy (a fantastic book!) help me sometimes. The Magnetic Poetry kits are fun to play with too. And maybe that is why poems come harder for me--I don't play with them enough; I take them too seriously. I'll let you know how the weekend goes. I'm sure I'll learn something new and hear some good poets read and have more to share.

I remember

2007-03-26T22:05:00.000-05:00

This was written in response to a prompt from A Writer's Book of Days by Judy Reeves.

I remember how it was to drive in gravel, to ride in the back seat down the dusty road, the feel of the tires slipping when they would stray to one side or the other of the hard beaten path and they would catch in the loose gravel piled to the side. I remember the taste of the dry dust blowing in through the windows, choking my breath. Even when the windows were closed, the dust seeped in and filled my mouth and lungs.

I remember Grandma Hazel pulling her yellow crocheted scarf close across her mouth, saying “Oh, laws, Daddy, I can’t breathe!” Her scarf was a loose crochet with gaping holes between each stitch and we kids would laugh at her idea that it would stop any of the thick dust.

As we drove down the gravel roads, clouds of dust would follow in our wake, marking our passage as surely as the wake of a ship. When we were outside, we could tell if someone was coming down the road just by seeing that cloud approaching.

Our cars were always covered in a fine white dust unless it rained and turned them muddy. The rain would still the dust for a while. A wet gravel road gives off a sharp scent that I can taste.

I lived in a house on a gravel road until my tenth year. Even now, almost 50 years later, the road in front of that house is unpaved. The gravel is spread thick in the early spring and makes for a wavering ride with the sound of the tires crunching as they turn. Now when I come home from a visit to my past, my husband says “Where in the world have you been? How could you get the car so dusty?” He rushes to get the car to the carwash, to restore its black shine. And I remember how it was to drive in gravel.

Becoming Visible

2007-03-25T21:58:00.000-05:00

I didn’t speak up much as a child. I was shy and spent most of my life trying to be invisible and fly under the radar. It wasn’t good to get noticed. When I spoke up, I usually got in some kind of trouble for what I said, so I learned to be quiet. I learned the lesson well—too well. Even now, I have a hard time saying a definite yes or no, answering a question directly, or saying exactly what I think about things.

So after spending a lifetime trying to be invisible, what on earth would possess me to start a blog? The successful blogs are the ones where people are extremely visible, where they let their personalities and their essences shine forth. And that is what I love about reading them.

So maybe I’ve just had enough of trying to be invisible. It doesn’t work very well. And when it does work, it isn’t satisfying. It isn’t like my childhood dreams of having the superpower of turning invisible at will—the dreams where I could press a certain vein in my arm, like the heroine of a book that I read. She turned invisible and solved mysteries.

I wonder if anyone else remembers that book or what the title was? The heroine was a classy dame (obviously written in the late 40’s or early 50’s); she was a sharp dresser and had long black curls (I think.) She had some kind of career and solved mysteries on the side. And her super power was pressing the vein in her wrist and disappearing. And one day she forgot and wore a wide metal bracelet on that arm and as she passed a department store window, all she saw in the reflection was her clothes walking along, including the cute little hat that curled around her head! I wondered why her clothes stayed visible that time and not on the times when she intentionally vanished!

No, being invisible in real life isn’t like that. It’s more like hiding behind a dull gray mask and wondering why no one sees the radiant colors of your self. Like saying “Hey, here I am—see the real me?”, yet never showing that self to the world. It’s a lifetime of looking through the glass that seems to be a one-way mirror to the world.

So maybe that is the reason I’ve started a blog. I’m tired of acting invisible. I’m ready to be seen and heard.

Trusting the Process

2007-03-24T18:54:00.000-05:00

Today I’ve been reading in William Zinsser’s book Writing About Your Life. He writes about being true to yourself, and writing every day and trusting that as you write you will relax and find your natural voice. And the only way to do this is to write, every day, and start from where you are.

In Zinsser’s book, he is writing about memoir, yet the same thing holds true for blog writing too. We have to start where we are, write about what is important to us and learn as we go. And we have to start where we are and journey to where we want to go. And therein lies the problem, for me.

I don’t want to start where I am and go through the awkward learning stages in order to be an excellent blogger—I just want to already be done with the learning and be brilliant! And that isn’t how it works.

I have a workbook by Cheri Huber called How You Do Anything Is How You Do Everything. And I think that the title is true, because I started working through the book and then put it aside when it got hard and uncomfortable.

Another thing that started me thinking about trusting the process is that I bought a digital camera yesterday because I want to be able to post pictures here. Now, I’ve used digital cameras before; we have one at work, I used one in another job that I had, and I’ve taken pictures using friend’s cameras. But yesterday I bought the camera that I wanted, the one that felt right to me, then brought it home and had to start learning all the features and controls that aren’t exactly like the others that I’ve used. And what happened? Right away, I had a bad case of buyer’s remorse because I didn’t get one that I was more familiar with. And I told myself that I’d never learn how to take good pictures anyway. Thank goodness, some common sense started kicking in, and I was able to back off of the self-flagellation. After all, I think that I’ll need to take more than just 12 pictures before I can feel comfortable with this camera! And I’ll need to write more than just a few blog entries before I can feel comfortable with blogging.

My youngest granddaughter is just learning to walk. In the last week, she has gone from standing to taking one step to now being brave enough to take three steps at a time before she falls. She doesn’t get discouraged because she’s only taking three steps. No, she looks up at us and beams with joy and pride that she’s taken any steps at all. And we praise her and help her and love her, and she tries again later when she’s ready. She trusts the process.

Zinsser says, “Write about things that are important to you” and “be true to yourself.” He also says “It’s a privilege to write for one other person. Do it with gratitude and with pleasure.” So my life lesson right now seems to be telling me: Enjoy this time of beginning. Play with words, play with the camera, play with learning. Have fun! And trust the process.

Following a Prompt

2007-03-21T21:26:00.000-05:00

Tonight was our regular meeting of our Just Journaling group at Danner's, our local independent bookstore. We had a group of seven tonight with lots of spirited discussion as well as writing going on. Here is the entry that I wrote in response to this prompt: According to Brenda Ueland, "moodling" is "long, inefficient, happy idling, dawdling and puttering." What is your favorite way to moodle?

My favorite way to moodle is to mess around, or "rat around," as my husband calls it, looking through and handling all my stuff. For instance, I'll think of a specific book that I want to find, so I start roaming through the house scanning all the bookshelves. As I look for that specific book, I discover others that catch my interest, so I pick them up and carry them with me. By the time I find Book X, I have an armful of others as well. Then I sit down with all my finds piled around me and proceed to look through all of them, either in bits and pieces or all at once.

I also love to sort through boxes or drawers or closets and look at all my treasures that I've put away for some reason. And I end up with those piled around me too.

After reading what I've written, I guess that maybe my favorite way of moodling is to make nests around me! I love the cozy feel of being surrounded with stuff. So even though a big part of me craves open space and order and beauty, an even more elemental part of me craves being surrounded.

Even in bed, I like to bunch the covers around me, with a little pillow to hold, and a big pillow behind the one I lay my head on. When I don't make the bed, I can curl up quite nicely and snuggle in.

Moodling can also be websurfing, following a trail from one site through links or comments to another and another and another. I read until my head is full, then I like quiet time to mull over what I've read and come up with my own conclusions and discoveries.

*******
After I read what I'd written, my friend River made the comment that I need to approach my blog writing in the same way that I do my websurfing--write down one thing and follow that thought and the next and the next until I see where I end up. Enjoy the moodling. Don't worry about the audience or the rules, just write for joy and to see what I'm thinking, to see what conclusions I come to. I like her advice.

More later!

Down For The Count

2007-03-18T20:44:00.000-05:00

No posting this weekend. On Friday, Blogger wouldn't cooperate and I felt too bad to wrestle with it. I made it through early Saturday, then went to bed at 5:00 p.m and stayed there until late Sunday evening. I am so thankful that I had a prescription for a Z-pak--yet I still felt miserable. The medication is finally working and I think I'll be back among the living tomorrow. I hope so! I had made it through most of the winter without any sinus trouble, then after we had two gorgeous days of spring weather, my head felt like it was swollen to the size of a pumpkin and my throat felt raw. Go figure!

One thing I've learned about blogging is how much longer it takes than I thought it would. Not because of the writing necessarily--although that takes some time and thought. No, it's because once I turn on the computer, I have to check the comments and see if anyone has added one, then I have to check on my friend's blogs and see if they've updated or gotten new comments and then I follow one of the leads in the comment section and discover a whole new area to explore and before I know it I'm thinking, "Wait, how did I get over here? And why haven't I posted my entry?" And that's the beauty of blogging, isn't it?

More later!

The Mississinewa

2007-03-15T21:03:00.000-05:00

This is a piece that I wrote in June, 2004. It started as a poem and grew and now I'm not sure what it is. I just know that I felt like I wanted to post it tonight.

The Mississinewa River used to come visit us once a year. The roiling brown water would crawl over the low banks, slide and slip down the small creek and flow across the fields.

We sat in our house on top of the knoll and watched.

The water crept closer on the west, rising up the lane, across the yard, into the garden, where it met itself creeping in from the east, on the other side of the house.

We could see the water advance, inch-by-inch, foot-by-foot, until all roads out were gone.

Dad would cuss, tell how those fools upriver had dredged the banks, caused the flood, ruined the flow.

My sister and I listened. We had no idea what dredged meant, we just wondered why those men were so mean, so stupid.

My baby brother wanted to go outside, meet our guest, play in the water, splash in the new pool that used to be our front yard.

Mom said, “No! The water’s dirty. You’ll get polio. You’ll drown.” Then she’d ask, “What are we gonna do, Red? What will we do?”

We had no phone. We had no way out. Our house was an island that grew smaller by the hour.

I remember the last year we lived there. My uncle Maurice rescued us with his small green rowboat. He came late in the afternoon and rowed us out to safety, two at a time.

We kids thought it was high adventure. We had tales to tell; we could boast at school, relive the drama, be brave when it was over.

Dad lost all the crops. We moved the next year, couldn’t afford to lose again. We moved far from the river to dry flat land.

Next year I read the paper. Mississinewa came to visit the farm again. She must have been distressed to find us gone. She came even closer to the house, looking for us. This time a helicopter came to save the family, to trump our story, to cheat us of glory.

I felt angry and sad and lonesome.

I think of these visits when I cross the Mississinewa now. My sister always said it was her river. She’d played in it and listened to its murmur and welcomed it to our home.

She’s gone now, dead these last three years. She can’t come to visit any more either.

I’m far from the river, far from home.

The river still flows through wide shallow banks and speaks when I pass over.

A Good Day

2007-03-14T20:02:00.000-05:00

Today has been a good day. It’s my husband’s birthday—Happy Birthday, Jim! Part of my gift to him was to take him to breakfast in Indianapolis at LePeep. We both love that place, and going there is a treat. I had my usual omelet made with smoky ham and white cheddar cheese—yum! And a gooey bun to start the meal—these are English muffins, broiled with brown sugar and cinnamon, lots of it, then spread with cream cheese and hot apples—double yum! Their peasant potatoes are so satisfying. Oh, now I want to go back tomorrow! Too bad that I have to go back to work.

After that we went to Lowe’s—it was HIS birthday, after all! Then, to make me happy, we stopped at Office Depot so I could buy more Foray pens—of course I needed them, never mind the hundreds of other pens that I have strewn through the house! And I even found a set of liquid porous point pens from Foray in eight assorted colors! Lucky me! After that, to make us both happy, we went to Barnes and Noble and spent several hours browsing. All in all, a good day.

My favorite way to browse a bookstore is to pick up all the books that catch my eye that I’d like to have, then sit and read through them and pick out the ones that I have to have. Or that I can afford. Usually, I narrow my choices down to two and then agonize over which one I should take home with me. And, yes, I have been known to buy one and spend the trip home thinking, “Oh, I should have bought the other one!” In the good old days, when I had more disposable income, I would come home with piles of books each time. I miss those days!

Today, I ended up buying Kaleidoscope: ideas + projects to SPARK YOUR CREATIVITY by Suzanne Simanaitis. I first read about this book on her website, www.artitudezine.com, and it sounded good. When I saw it today, I knew that I had to have it. It is chock full of creativity, collage, projects, and art, all in bright colors, with letters and articles from the creators and instructions on how to do what they have done. Suzanne says she is “passionately curious,” and she demonstrates that well. I know that this will help my journaling, and my collage, and I am going to try several of the other projects that she included in the book. The list of contributors lets us know more about them and where to find them on the web. I think reading this book will lead to creative discoveries that will amaze me in the future. I can’t wait!

Another book that I saw and will buy in the future is Liar’s Diary, by Patry Francis, who blogs at http://simplywait.blogspot.com. I love reading her blog, and I am going to love her book. I was pulled in from the first page, and I want to see how the story ends. This will be a book that I order from Danner’s, after payday!

Right now, I have American Idol to watch and Kaleidoscope to look through, so—more later!

Fantastic Book!

2007-03-13T21:48:00.000-05:00

I'm late getting to my computer tonight, and I'm posting on the fly--all because of Gayle Brandeis' new book, Self Storage. I borrowed it from the library at lunch today, started reading it after work, and I could not put it down! I read it straight through--and it is so wonderful that I think it is something that I need to own so I can read it again, slower, digesting each piece of wonder that she has managed to pack into this book. Please, get yourself a copy of it and read.

Brandeis has woven her story around the lines in Walt Whitman's poem, Song of Myself. I don't know how she did it, but she did it in a masterful, seamless way. The words of Whitman and the events in the story fit as though they could be no other way. Her characters are vivid, and real and they fill my heart. She takes us into a life that is both familiar and unfamiliar at the same time, through Flan, the main character. Flan makes money by buying things from auctions at self-storage units. When she buys a box that is empty except for the word "yes" on a piece of paper, her whole life changes as she moves toward that yes. And she takes us along for the journey. Again, buy this book and read it. And reading this will help you do what Whitman says: "You must habit yourself to the dazzle of the light and of every moment of your life." Flan does.

More later!

Just Journaling

2007-03-12T19:30:00.000-05:00

My friend Sherita and I co-lead a “Just Journaling” group that meets at Danner’s, our local independent bookstore, twice a month. We’ve been doing this for around five years or more. We meet on the first Monday and the third Wednesday, which always confuses people. We started meeting on such an odd schedule because several of our attendees were either students or faculty at the University; by alternating the meeting days, everyone could attend at least once a month. When we first started the group, for several weeks Sherita and I were the only people who showed up. Finally, after a few weeks, Carolyn and Claudia showed up. Carolyn is still a faithful member and a wonderful friend.

Sherita and I have been friends since around 1983, and we have been journaling together or apart most of that time. We both went to a Kentucky Women Writers’ Conference early in our friendship so that we could meet Natalie Goldberg, author of Writing Down the Bones. We took her journal workshop and we’ve never looked back.

We lead our workshop according to Natalie’s guidelines. Keep the hand moving. Don’t worry about spelling, punctuation or grammar. We start with a few minutes of writing on “I am thinking of…” just to get our brains drained of the daily junk that fill them. Then we offer prompts; sometimes people pick and choose what they want to write on and other times we all write on the same subject. We write for 10 or 15 minutes, and then we read aloud what we have written. And yes, a lot of times we talk much more than we write! At one point we were all talking loudly, laughing and discussing our tendency to act as though we had ADD. A woman came running across the bookstore, asking breathlessly, “Oh, is this an ADD support group? May I join?” We laughed and told her that we may have ADD, but we are a journal group—and yes, she was welcome to join. She didn’t take us up on the offer.

One of the benefits that has come from the group is the bond of friendship. Some people have come and gone, and some have come and stayed, and we really have become a support group. As Carolyn says, this is the one place where we all fit in. These people have become my tribe, my family, my friends.

I have been uplifted and amazed at the quality of writing that has come from our group. Just by responding to random prompts, these people have written entries that have touched my heart. We laugh, we cry, we share our most vulnerable selves. The attendance changes at every meeting; we have new journalers joining in and others leaving for one reason or another. We have a core group, those of us who need the solace of writing, who can’t imagine our lives without each other now. And it all came from just journaling.

A Quiet Day

2007-03-11T18:54:00.000-05:00

Today has been a quiet day. When Jim came home from work, he was feeling tired and running a fever so he went directly to bed, sprawling across diagonally from one corner to the next. Church would have to do without him today. I still felt tired, so I crawled into the bed in the guestroom and fell back to sleep. I woke sometime after noon and picked up a paperback lying next to the bed, titled “The Trouble With Angels” by Debbie Macomber. A friend had told me that it was a good read. It wasn’t bad; I lay in bed and read most of it, then got up, fixed some dessert, and finished the book. Then I went back for another nap! In spite of the beautiful sun shining outside and the temperature actually getting up in the high 50’s, I covered up and slept some more.

Finally I roused myself enough to get up and take the dog for a short walk. I didn’t want to waste this warm weather entirely! Sammo was excited about getting out and about; he pranced and sniffed his way around the neighborhood. I guess I did the human version of prancing and sniffing—I checked out all the signs that spring is on its way—the tulips and daffodils poking their heads up out of the ground, the fat robin sitting under a tree, the neighbors leaving their garage doors open while they puttered around outside. We returned home, and I fixed some dessert for Jim this time. He seems to be feeling better. Then I came to the computer to browse through my favorite sites. And write my Sunday entry.

And I realize that this quiet Sunday is exactly what I must have needed. Lazing through the day, soaking up the warm sunshine—I am content. Contentment is a feeling that eludes me when I’m always rushing from work to home to a meeting to a chore to an obligation. And when I took a day to rest, a day to listen to my tired body, contentment found me and curled up beside me, and said, “Isn’t this nice?”

Now What?

2007-03-10T12:38:00.000-05:00

Okay, I’ve jumped the hurdle of actually posting something on my blog. I’ve started. I’m finally coming down from the adrenalin high of having done it. I’ve gone through the doubtful reactions from my family: “What if you post something personal and someone sees it? This could be dangerous Mom.” “What would you have to say on the web?” My friends have been supportive. I’m still tweaking the way the site looks, and I still need to post my lists of favorites and any links that I want to show people. And here I am—wondering what to post next. How much to tell. Will anyone understand what I’m doing here?

One of the things that I have loved about the web is the connectivity. All the entries that I read about people connecting through comments and through off-site, real-time connections reminds me of the Round Robin letter groups that my sister, Judy, used to belong to. She started writing to various pen pals in the 60’s. At one point, they formed a Round Robin circle and sent an ongoing letter from one person to the next. They also exchanged little gifts and had get-togethers to meet each other. She always let me read the letters. I loved reading the ones from Bev. They were typewritten with a script font, tightly single-spaced on small sheets of stationery that she had decorated with stickers. Every inch was covered with words or pictures, and most of the letters were 12 pages or longer. I liked hearing what Trudy, or Velva or Dolly were up to in their daily lives. Judy loved receiving and sending those letters.

Gradually the group disbanded. Some of the people just lost interest. Trudy and Bev both died young. Dolly still corresponded with Judy until my sister died three years ago. Now Dolly and my Mom still write to each other. And even though we’ve only met a few times in real life, Dolly is as close as any member of my family, just through the power of the letters. And that’s how I see the blogging community. A giant Round Robin of potential friends, some short-lived acquaintances, some longer, and some will become as close as my family. People can come in and out, rejoin if they want to, meet together frequently and share what they have in their lives.

Denise said that she sees blogging as a way of gratitude. I see that too. Also, a way of practicing my craft of writing. A way of sharing. A way of teaching. Blogging can be all those things. After I posted my first entry last night, I spent several hours just roaming from site to site, visiting my favorites and discovering new ones. I am overwhelmed at the talent and love that is offered on the web. I love that people freely give from the heart. And I can’t wait to find my new friends!
More later!

Jumping In

2007-03-09T16:37:00.000-05:00

I confess. I have been lurking on blogs for several years now. I avidly read them every day. And almost every day, I think, “I want to do that. I want to start a blog.” Then I pushed the thought aside and went on. Then I read about all the connections that people find and form, all the fun groups that they belong to, all the wonderful vast and varied knowledge that everyone shares, and I wanted to join the fun.

I had all kinds of excuses though. I couldn’t decide on the focus of my blog. My goodness, with all the writing, poetry, house, craft, art, scrapbooking, cozy, photography blogs to choose from, all the various and sundry interests that fill my mind, how could I be expected to choose a focus? And the title? Oh, picking a title was good for months of agonizing, choosing, debating, and driving myself and my friends crazy! Finally my friends said, “Just do it! Quit torturing yourself and us and just go for it!”

Every day this week I have decided that I was ready. I came to the Blogger site. I clicked on the buttons. I’d back out. The next day, I went a little further and backed out. And finally, even I have had enough of my fear and indecision—so here I am. I want to join the party. I want to play with words, to find new friends, to join the ones who I’ve been reading for so long.

I’ve already corresponded with some of them. Colleen at LooseLeaf Notes has been a favorite read forever, and we have written and emailed each other. I love Fran at Sacred Ordinary. Loretta at Pomegranates and Paper is a favorite read, and she turned me on to the house blogs, like Daisy Cottage and Cherry Hill Cottage. And the writing on Left Handed Trees is so beautiful it makes my heart ache sometimes. The Bean Counter left a gap in my blog life when she took a respite from writing. And a new blogger I discovered, Denise at Vivid Just Like You, writes so beautifully that she takes my breath away. The word pictures that she paints are so vivid and clear—reading her is a joy!

Anyway, I’ve decided to turn away from my fears and jump in the blogging pool. My blog will be what it will be. I’ll either write every day or I won’t. If I decide that another name would be better, I’ll change it. If my words sound flat and boring, I’ll just keep writing until they sound better. Whatever happens, I’m joining the party!

More later!